The Mighty Fall
by RaydorCakes
Summary: Losing her was too much for him to bear, so he did the only thing he knew how. The one thing he had sworn up and down for the past twenty-some years he would never do again.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This story is different than anything I've ever written. This is a dark story conjured up by my slightly-less-dark mind. I'm being vague on purpose, and it'll all make sense why in a little while. Enjoy, and feel free to leave me some feedback!

~oOo~

If there was one thing in this world Andrew Flynn never would've considered himself, it was a quitter. Yet here he was, ready to quit.

Her funeral, the light mist as she was lowered into the ground, it solidified things for him. Things he never thought, as a father, he'd be experiencing. _He had managed to outlive his daughter._ His brilliant, funny, charming daughter, his _only_ daughter, the only member of his family that _ever_ truly forgave him for his mistakes. She was gone, and as he watched his ex-wife Miranda place a rose on her coffin, he felt a gentle squeeze on his arm.

He had nearly forgotten Sharon was there. His mind was in a far off place, replaying at warp-speed every memory he and Nicole ever shared. He couldn't believe it was real, refused to believe the scene in front of him.

Andy's son-in-law Stephen and his sons, Aaron and Seth, stood next to the large, framed portrait of Nicole, their heads hung solemnly. _What could he say to them?_ Nothing, really. They had lost a wife and mother, but he had lost a daughter. He could tell them how sorry he was for their loss, but the loss he was feeling was eating him alive, tearing him limb from limb.

"Andy." Sharon whispers, gently rubbing his hand with hers, "I think I should take you home."

"No," he shakes his head, "no, it's okay. Home is the last place I want to be right now."

"Hey," she squeezes his arm again, waiting for his eyes to hesitantly meet hers, "I miss her too."

"It's not the same." He sighs, his voice breaking, "She is... Was my daughter. I... I talked to her right before..." His voice trails off.

 _The accident_.

 _Nicole had called him to schedule dinner, before quickly hurrying out the door and to the boys' ballet recital. "I'll see you then, sweetheart." He had said, the thought never occurring to him that maybe he wouldn't. But he did see her again, and it was a memory he would not soon forget._

 _Andy was driving home from work when he got caught up in traffic, and the closer he got to the accident, the more rapid his heartbeat became. The ringing of his phone nearly made him jump out of his skin._

 _"He... Hello?" He answered hesitantly, watching as police and EMS tried to separate the two destroyed vehicles._

 _"Hello, Andrew Flynn? My name is Emma DeGrein, I work with the highway patrol-"_

 _"No!" Andy managed to sob out, watching as the EMS lifted Nicole's unmoving body from her minivan, "Nicole!" He threw his phone down and ran to the ambulance as fast as he could._

 _"Sir! Sir you need to get back!" A police officer yelled, "Sir!"_

 _"She's my daughter!" Andy exclaims, falling to his knees hysterically, tears streaming down his face, "Nicole!"_

"Andy." Sharon tries again, "Please let me take you home."

He finally manages to focus on his surroundings and realizes that everyone else has left the cemetery.

"No." He replies, his voice low, "I can take care of myself, thank you for being here."

"Andy-" He can tell by the tone of her voice she's ready to argue, but he won't hear it.

"I just need some time to myself." He replies and hugs her before heading to his car and driving off, leaving Sharon alone in the rain.

~oOo~

He was numb, so incredibly numb that he couldn't tell which way was up, couldn't tell who was calling his name, or if anyone really was at all. The dim lights of the bar and the scent of day-old smoke brought him back to life just as quickly as it was killing him. He needed to feel something other than the pain of losing her. He needed to feel something other than the emptiness.

He brings the shot glass to his shaking lips and downs its contents in one swift motion, letting out a deep sigh. _You're throwing everything away, you asshole_. The voice in the back of his head nags, causing him to crave another drink. And another. And another. _And another_.

~oOo~

He didn't even feel the first few punches the equally drunk man next to him managed to land before he was on the ground, his arms wrapped around his body in a futile attempt to protect himself. He didn't even remember what he said that set the guy off in the first place, but then again, it didn't matter. Maybe this was the work of some higher power trying to prove a point.

The man stumbles out of the bar, leaving Andy laying on the floor. His face is bleeding and torn open, but he could care less. The alcohol coursing through his veins and the beating of his heart ringing in his ears gave him what he was looking for: _a feeling other than emptiness._

~oOo~

Okay, so that's chapter one, I know we never want to see Andy in this situation, but this idea totally has my head spinning. There'll be Shandy, I promise, but not for a while yet. :)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm surprised by how well this story was received, thank you all for that :) I wasn't planning to update so quickly, but a certain group of people were very intrigued. Enjoy!

~oOo~

The loud blaring of his alarm clock was no match to the pounding in his skull, and try as he might, his entire body felt paralyzed. His muscles were sore, and he was unable to recall the previous night's events clearly. He stumbles out of bed and to the bathroom, flicking on the light and then quickly turning it back off. Looking briefly at his reflection in the mirror he can see that his bottom lip is spilt open, and that a large bruise covers his left cheek. He sighs and walks back to his bed, curling up beneath the covers as he dials his phone.

"Good morning." Sharon's sleep-laden yet cheery voice greets him, "How're you doing?"

"Uuuh," the volume of her voice was causing him immense pain, "I'm not feeling well today. Can I take a day off?"

"Andy," she sighs, "do you need me to put you on leave for a week or two? With everything you've been through-"

"No." He massages his temples, "This has nothing to do with that, there's gotta be a stomach bug going around or something, that's all."

"Get some rest. I'll talk to you later, just to check up on you."

"Bye Sharon." He mumbles, not waiting for her response before hanging up and dropping his phone back on the nightstand.

~oOo~

The guilt he felt for the stunt he pulled last night was almost as bad as the guilt he felt for lying to Sharon. _Almost_. She would be furious with him, but he hoped she'd understand. The last thing he wanted was to lose her, but in one day he had become the embodiment of what she hated: _an alcoholic_. Not that he ever really _stopped_ being an alcoholic, he was sober, yes, but still an alcoholic. The feelings, the cravings for a drink, were always there, just laying dormant right below the surface. He had had a reason to fight his demons, but not anymore. Nicole was the one he was strong for, and he didn't need to be anymore. He didn't need to be anything other than the 'Old Andy,' getting drunk with his buddies and looking for girls.

 _No_. Everything was all wrong. In no time, the guilt surrounded him again, and he could see everything he ever cared about being ripped from his weak grasp. His job, his friends, his home, and Sharon. _Anything but Sharon_.

He needed her, now more than ever, but he didn't want to scare her off. He didn't want the sight of him, hungover and beaten, to remind her of Jack. After everything he did to prove he was nothing like Jack, he had become him in the blink of an eye. _Maybe I don't have to tell her_ , he thinks to himself, but that only makes him angry. He cared about Sharon and he didn't want to lie to her, and he _certainly_ didn't want to manipulate her. _But he didn't want her to know the truth either._

He lets out a long, deep sigh and closes his eyes, hoping to sleep off his terrible mistake- or atleast just forget about it for a while.

~oOo~

Andy hears the door to his apartment quietly open and he sits up quickly, causing the whole room to spin. _Why was the door unlocked? How did he even get home last night?_ He didn't know, but what he did know was that there was a stranger in his house and he was in no shape for a fight.

"Andy?" He hears a soft knock on jus bedroom door and recognizes Sharon's voice. _No. She can't be here_.

"I'm fine." He mumbles, "Why aren't you at work?"

"Lunch break." She answers as it dawns on him how important he is to her. _Sharon never left work, especially not for lunch._ "I brought you some noodle soup, I made sure there wasn't any chicken in it." She says proudly.

"Thank you." Andy responds, laying back down and covering his face with his hands, "Can you just leave it outside the door? I'll get it then."

"How're you feeling?" She questions instead, inching his bedroom door open, "You should eat something."

"Says the woman that hardly eats." He counters with a chuckle, making the pounding in his ears even stronger, "I'll eat in a little bit."

"No, you'll eat while I'm right here watching to make sure you _actually_ do." He hears the door open a little farther, the outside light slowly filtering into his bedroom.

"Fine." He sighs, "But don't turn on the light and close the damn door!"

"Oh... Okay." She hesitates but follows his instructions, walking gingerly towards the bed, "Are you feeling any better?"

"A little." He answers, rolling onto his left side to hide the bruise on his face, "You really don't need to stay."

"Can you sit up?" She asks, ignoring his latter comment, "Or do you need help?"

"You're not gonna leave me alone are you?" He chuckles nervously, realizing the conversation he most wanted to avoid would be happening sooner rather than later.

"Sit up or I'll sit you up." She threatens kind-heartedly, "You need someone to take care of you and Provenza definitely won't."

He pushes himself into a sitting position with a groan, refusing to meet her eyes.

"If you're going to drink hot soup, you need to have a light on." Sharon pipes up helpfully, reaching over to turn on the lamp on the nightstand.

Andy flinches as she reaches over, realizing now that all of his secrets would come tumbling out.

"See, isn't that bet- Oh God, your face!" She gasps, sitting down on the edge of the bed and gently cupping his cheeks, "Andy how did this happen?!" She exclaims worriedly, gently running her thumb across his split lip, "Who did this to you?"

"First rule of fight club, _never_ talk about fight club." He chuckles, watching as her face twists with horror.

"You're drunk!" She exclaims, jumping away from him and quickly going to stand in the corner of the room, "You got in a fight didn't you?!"

He doesn't know how to respond, so he bows his head sadly, waiting for Sharon to continue her lecture.

"I know you have been through a hell of a lot these past few days," she starts pacing, crossing her arms over her chest angrily, "but what the hell were you thinking?!" There's a bitterness to her voice that he's never heard before- _she's scared._

"It was an accident." He tries weakly, training his eyes on her blurred yet pacing figure.

"No, Andy," she stops to point at him, rage and disappointment welling up in her eyes, "dropping a plate is an accident. Getting drunk _isn't_."

"I won't do it again." He argues, hoping she'll believe him.

"Don't you know how many times I heard that one over the years?" She laughs bitterly, "You say you're done, but after I leave you'll be craving a drink to get over feeling so shitty. Then you'll want another, and another, and you'll start all over again."

"If I get a craving I'll go to a meeting." He grumbles, rubbing his eyes slowly.

"Yeah?!" She throws her hands up in the air angrily, "What about a meeting last night? What about your sponsor?! I know those meetings run all hours of the day and night so don't you _dare_ tell me you couldn't find one."

Andy lifts his eyes to meet hers, the pain he was feeling reflected back to him through a sea of green. He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair, "I don't care anymore Sharon. Nicole was all I had and-"

"That is _not_ true!" She exclaims furiously, "I was there for you. You had me. _Had_ , Andy. Not anymore. I'm not going to sit around and watch you destroy yourself!"

"Sharon," He takes a wobbly step out of bed, "Sharon I-"

"Don't _Sharon_ me." She hisses, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes, "Drinking was not your only option!"

"Please, don't leave." Andy begs, catching her wrist as she turns to go.

"Don't touch me." She replies strongly through clenched teeth before pulling her arm away.

Just as quickly as she had appeared she was gone, and Andy wondered if she was ever really there at all.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I had no idea this story would be so high maintenance, but that doesn't mean I'm not enjoying it :)

~oOo~

"Captain, can you answer your damn phone!" Provenza grumbles, "It's been going off for the past hour!"

"Here's a better solution." She replies bitterly, and he watches in shock as she powers off her phone.

She feels Provenza's strong yet tender grip on her shoulder as she is lead into her office, "Tell me what the hell is going on right now." The older man grumbles, slamming her office door loudly, "You've been all shaken up since you came back from Flynn's. Did he finally ask you out?"

Her angry gaze fixates on him, surprised that he knew of the development in their relationship, "No. He didn't. Have you talked to him at all?"

"I haven't." He sighs as they both sit down, "He's that sick, huh?"

"You could say that." Sharon rolls her eyes sarcastically, blinking away the tears clinging to her lashes before meeting his eyes again, "He's not doing very well."

"I watched that girl grow up." Provenza reminisces, "He's not really sick, is he?"

"It's not my place to say." She responds weakly, wiping a tear away with the back of her hand before offering him a weak smile.

Provenza shoots her a questioning look before straightening his tie, "He's the one calling you, isn't he?"

"Mhm." She hums with a nod, "I'm not in the right frame of mind to talk with him at the moment."

"What'd the idiot say this time?" He asks seriously, expecting every possibility except a relapse, "He's never tried so hard to apologize to _anyone_."

"He said a lot of things." She answers quietly, her focus drawn to her hands, "But none of it was true."

"What the hell." Provenza grumbles, "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's _actually_ going on. I know how happy you two made each other, even if you weren't officially together. I don't like seeing either of you this upset."

"It's not my place to tell you what's happening." Her voice is shaking and Provenza reaches out, gently squeezing her hand.

"Captain, I know I don't show it often, but I do care about you, and Flynn too." He chuckles, "Let me see if I can set him straight."

She looks at him gratefully, offering the strongest smile she can muster, "Prepare yourself."

"If you stopped being so damn cryptic, maybe I could." He replies honestly before exiting her office.

~oOo~

When Andy woke up the next time, he was feeling better. Still guilty and pissed off, but much better. Turning on the bathroom light again, he examines his face, running his fingers lightly down the bruise. He dials Sharon's number again, but it goes straight to voicemail. _She was upset with him, and she damn well had a reason to be_.

Opening the medicine cabinet, Andy manages to find a bottle of aspirin, taking two with practiced ease. He turns off the light and mopes to the kitchen, pouring himself a bowl of cereal.

The guilt was back yet again, and Andy suddenly lost all motivation to eat his breakfast. Not only did he throw away his twenty-some years of sobriety, he was throwing away Sharon. One of the people -if he was being honest with himself- that meant the most to him. He was loosing her just as quickly and easily as he was loosing control, spiraling down to the bottom of a bottle without any hope of resurfacing.

A loud knock on the door disrupts his thoughts and he sighs deeply. He knew that knock anywhere, it was Provenza. God, he didn't want to deal with him right now, and he certaintly didn't want to get in another fight.

"Flynn I know you're in there. Open the door." He grumbles and Andy finally obliges, opening the door just enough to see the anger written plainly across his partner's face.

"What do you want?" He asks rudely, "I don't feel well."

"Bullshit." Provenza retorts, "Now open the door and let me in."

"Louie, go away." He nearly begs, the bruised side of his face hidden behind the door, "I can't do this right now."

"Well you know what, neither can the Captain. She wouldn't tell me what the hell was going on, said I have to ask you. Spill it."

Andy hesitates but steps aside, opening the door to allow his grumpy best friend to enter, "What do you expect me to say?!"

"What the hell did you say to her?" He questions, taking a seat on the couch, "And what the hell happened to your face? I hope she did that to you." He grumbles.

Andy begins pacing through the living room, running his hands through his hair, "I fell off the wagon last night." He sighs, "She came to check on me and she-"

"She's disappointed in you." Provenza sighs, the acidic tone in his voice now gone, "You lied to her. Hell, you lied to all of us."

"What did you expect me to say to her?" He frowns, picking at the scab on his lip, "I didn't think and I told her all the same bullshit I told Miranda, all the same bullshit she heard from Jack. She _laughed_ at me when I tried to apologize! She laughed!"

"She's heard it all before Flynn. And every other time she's heard it it's been a lie. I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told her: You make each other happy. So fix it. And next time you want a drink, go to a meeting or call your damn sponsor." Before he could say anything, Provenza vanished, just as quickly as Sharon had earlier that morning.

~oOo~

His hands are shaking as he picks up his phone and hesitantly types a message to Sharon:

 _Can we please talk? I know I messed up, but I need to explain some things._

Surprisingly, the word 'read' pops up beneath the message. At least her phone was on now. His heart nearly jumps to his throat when he sees her typing a response:

 _Fine. Explain yourself._

He rubs his temples and starts typing again:

 _In person. Dinner at the usual place. Please meet me at 6._

Hisbreath catches in his throat as she starts typing again, but the bubble soon disappears. _Whatever she was planning to say, she had changed her mind_.

He lets out another deep sigh before curling up on the couch, resting up as best he could for the no doubt strenuous meeting ahead of him.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: This story has gotten more comments, favorites, and follows than anything else I've ever written, which is the complete opposite of what I expected. This will be my third update today, and I know as soon as I post it people will be asking for another chapter. I couldn't be happier with this story and everyone's support of it! Enjoy!

~oOo~

They were different in many ways, in their temperaments, the way they carried themselves, the way they handled their problems. Yet here they both were, sitting in their separate cars, both extremely nervous and doing the best they could to calm themselves.

Sharon gets out of her car and walks towards the entrance of the diner, and once he is sure she can't see him, Andy does the same. He knows better than to call after her, right now she needed space. But she had agreed to meet with him, and that filled him with hope, albeit just a little bit.

"You're late." She says plainly as he sits down across from her in the booth.

"I was waiting for you." He tries, offering a weak smile, "Ladies first. I was being polite."

"Lying to me wasn't exactly _polite_ Andy." She continues to read over the menu, using it as a distraction to avoid his gaze, "You said you wanted to explain, so explain."

"This has been really tough on me, losing Nicole, and I just... I didn't know what to do." There was no excuse for his actions, but he tried to make one anyway.

"What about me?" She closes her menu and sits it on the table, fixing him with a sharp glare.

"What?" He looks at her confused and closes his menu as well.

"You could have came to me, Andy. You could have gone to a meeting or called your sponsor, but you didn't. And then you _lied_ to me. That was one thing I never expected from you. _Never_."

"I didn't want to lie to you!" He raises his voice, not angrily, but in an attempt to get his point across, "But I didn't want to tell you the truth either!"

"It doesn't work both ways." She responds coldly, "I would've been less upset if you just told me the truth in the first place."

"What do you want from me?!" He growls as a waitress walks over, notebook in hand.

"I'd like a grilled cheese and water please." Sharon smiles at the young woman.

"Same for me." Andy tells her, both of them watching as she walks away.

Sharon leans over the table, just close enough that Andy can smell her sweet perfume, "I want you to get better." She whispers before returning to her original position, "I want the lying to stop, I want the manipulation to stop, and most of all, I want the drinking to stop. I know better than to think me telling you will change anything, believe me, I know. But Nicole wasn't the only one that was proud of you. And even if she was, do you think she'd want to see you this way?"

"Well she can't see me, so it doesn't really matter, does it?" He rolls his eyes, "She's dead, and no one gives a fuck about me."

"You're right." She responds as the waitress sits their food on the table, "No one does. I'm not playing this self-pity game with you. If you think nobody cares, then being an alcoholic isn't your only problem."

She can see how her words hurt him, but she could care less at the moment. She had so many more hurtful things she could say, but she restrained herself.

"I'm sorry-"

Sharon closes her eyes and raises her hand to stop him, he had discovered over the years that her silent anger was the most dangerous and he always did his best to avoid it. Now he couldn't, and he started bouncing his leg up and down nervously.

"Do _not_ give me those half-assed apologies." She finally says, still holding her position, "I've heard it all enough to know you don't mean it. You're not sorry for what you did to me, you're sorry for what you did to yourself."

"That's not true, I-"

"You _lied_ to me. There's no reason for me to believe a _single word_ that comes out of your mouth. This is exactly how things started with Jack." She says strongly, knowing it would get to him, "He said he was sorry, said he wouldn't do it again, but you know what? He did it anyway. _I don't want that for you_ , Andy. I know you're so much better than that, but I can't make you see it, nor can I make you believe it."

"Do you think I chose to be this way Sharon?" He rests his arms on the table, his eyes searching hers frantically.

"Last night that's _exactly_ what you chose." She answers monotone, "And I know how hard this has been for you, but that wasn't the right thing to do. I'm not trying to patronize you, but I don't know how many times i need to say it before it finally sinks in."

"There's no excuse for what I did." He breathes out, watching her face soften before inmediatley returning to her neutral expression, "There's no excuse for relapsing, and there is _no excuse_ for lying to you."

"You're right. But I don't accept your apology. Not yet."

"How can I fix this?" He asks sadly, "How can I make this right?"

"That's step nine." She purses her lips, her misty jade eyes fixed on him, "You're not there yet." He watches as she slings her purse over her shoulder and rises from the booth, "Take care of yourself Andy. I hope you'll be in better shape tomorrow."

"Sharon, please don't leave yet." He stands up and runs after her as she unlocks her car, "I _need_ you."

She looks at him sadly for a moment, "And I need some space. Goodnight."

Andy starts to say something but changes his mind, watching sadly as she drives off.

~oOo~

Damn it. Damn her for shutting _him_ out. Damn Nicole for dying. Damn the whiskey in his hand as it swirled in the glass. _Damn it all to hell_.

He downs the contents of the glass in one quick motion before sighing and slamming the glass down.

"Hey man, you want another?" The bartender asks, confusedly watching Andy's hesitation, "Come on man, it's a yes or no."

"Uh... Yeah. Just one more." He nods, downing that one equally as quick before footing his tab and stumbling from the bar.

 _He wasn't too wasted,_ or atleast that's what he told himself as he dialed Sharon's number.

"Andy?" She asks hesitantly, and he can tell by the tone of her voice that he had woken her, "Is everything alright?"

"You know Sharon, I love you." He manages to slur, "I love you."

"You're drunk again!" She exclaims, and he can hear her fumbling around the condo, "Dammit Andy." She sighs, "Where are you? I'm coming to get you."

"Thank you Sharon. I love you."

" _Don't_." She responds sharply, "Where are you?"

"Joe's. Thank you Sharon, I love you."

"Andy, stop." She says, getting frustrated, I'll be there in a few minutes."

"I lov-" Sharon ends the call before he can finish his thought, afraid to hear him say it again. She didn't want to hear it from him, not like this, and especially not now.

But what was the old saying? _Drunk words were sober thoughts_? Something like that, she decided, speeding down the highway to where she would no doubt find her unruly Lieutenant.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I have literally never posted as many updates in as small a timeframe as I am right now. Enjoy!

~oOo~

She couldn't leave him by himself, and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to turn him away. He was her best friend, but he was also drunk. He was back to being an addict, and she didn't want to be hurt by his tendencies.

Trying to guide him up to her condo was much more difficult than she had expected it to be, but at this point in time Andy was practically dead weight. Her hand wrapped tightly around his waist and his arm draped carelessly over her shoulder as they made their way to her door. Andy would stumble every few steps, and Sharon would grab his shirt and pull him back before he could hit the ground. The thought had crossed her mind many times on their trek to let him fall and just leave him laying there. He thought she was furious before, but she was _more_ than livid now.

"Sharon-" He mumbles, his warm eyes fixating on her, causing him to stumble again.

"Shut up." She instructs without looking at him. She was was faced with two equally impossible decisions: To either help her best friend, or turn away an addict exactly like the one that had destroyed her life so many years ago.

But Sharon Raydor _didn't_ have a choice. She _wouldn't_ let herself acknowledge that there was a choice. The only thing she could do was help her best friend, no matter how much she hurt herself in the process.

~oOo~

Sharon struggles to unlock the door to the condo while holding Andy up, but she finally manages to get the door open. Pushing Andy into the condo and half-hoping he falls, she quietly closes the door and locks it again.

"You need to be quiet." She whispers, "Rusty is asleep." That was the last thing she needed right now, for her son to come and find Andy drunk on her couch after finally escaping that past.

"Okay, Sharon." He replies in a weird voice she had never heard before. It sounded almost like a mix of happiness and pain with a little bit of anger thrown in.

She watches wide-eyed as he flops down on her couch, kicking off his shoes with a sigh. Sharon debated her next move for many reasons, before she finally decided it was the correct choice.

"Andy, do you have on an undershirt?" She asks, coming over to kneel in front of him. He nods, "You shouldn't sleep in that dress shirt." She says quietly, wishing this conversation was happening under _far_ different circumstances.

Andy fumbles with his tie and angrily crosses his arms over his chest. Sharon bites her lip and studies him for a moment, the last thing she wanted to be doing was undressing her drunk Lieutenant.

"Here, let me." She slowly reaches up and undoes his tie, sitting it next to him, "Can you get the buttons?"

"Nuh." He mumbles, watching as her slim hands rose to his collar and quickly undid the button.

She does this a few more times before she gets to the last button, undoing it with the same ease. Her eyes shoot up instinctively when she feels something burning hot against the tender skin of her hands: _Andy's hands._

"Thank you." If she had known better she would have thought he was sober, but this display of affection was nothing more than the alcohol talking.

"Mhm." She hums, standing up but making no attempt to remove her hands from his.

"I love you." He says for what Sharon counts as the twenty-seventh time that evening, "Sharon, I-"

"Stop saying that, please." She asks quietly, "You're drunk. You don't mean it."

"Yes I do." His eyes fall to their hands, "You can't tell me not to feel it."

It takes all of her self control not to lock herself in her room and hide. She wanted to hear those words from him, but not because he was drunk. Not because his daughter had died and she was the only one that would help him.

"Lay down on your side." She instructs, pulling her hands away from his, "I'll be right back."

"I'll be here, love." That last word caused Sharon to momentarily freeze before resuming her mission.

She returns a minute later with a bucket, sitting it on the floor next to his head, "Incase you get sick."

"What about you?" He asks, his warm eyes training on her, "You're not staying out here with me?"

"No." She sighs, kneeling down in front of him again to inspect the bruise on his face, "We'll need to cover that up if you go in to work tomorrow."

He reaches out and gently places a warm hand on her cheek, " _We_?"

"Men can't be trusted with makeup." She chuckles nervously before removing his hand from her cheek and placing it back on the couch, "Goodnight Andy." She presses a quick kiss to his forehead before standing up and walking to her bedroom.

~oOo~

Sharon was thankful for the dark, thankful that no one could see the tears streaming down her face as they glistened in the pale moonlight. She remembered a night almost like this where she had done the same thing with a very drunk Jackson Raydor, and that scared her more than anything. She lets out a frustrated noise and pinches her eyes shut, squeezing the pillow tighter against her chest.

 _Andy isn't Jack_. She tells herself, _He's an addict and he's drunk just like Jack. But he has a reason, he just lost his daughter_. She argues with herself, _but the first thing I ever learned about addicts was that they'll use any excuse to go back._

She laughs sadly to herself, for the first time in her life wishing that Jack was the one spending a night in her condo instead Andy. Atleast she knew how to deal with Jack when he was drunk. She had no idea how to handle Andy -and it was a miracle she was able to at all- especially when he kept telling her he loved her.

How could she even respond to that? Of course she had feelings for him and wanted to hear him say those three words, but she never imagined them being said for the first time during this train wreck she currently found herself in. _He loved her,_ or so he said, and she hoped with her last sleepy thought that he wouldn't remember any of it in the morning.

~oOo~

Sharon sits up quickly when she hears a knock on her door. Quickly glancing at her clock she realizes it's nearly 6:30, so she needed to get up soon anyway.

"Yes?" She asks cautiously, hoping Andy wasn't on the other side of the door.

"Why is the Lieutenant on our couch?" Rusty asks almost playfully, "I almost woke him. I think he's still sleeping though."

"Come in please, sweetie." She says kindly, and Rusty can tell by the use of that nickname that there was nothing but bad news.

Stepping awkwardly into her bedroom, Rusty won't lift his eyes to meet hers, "What is going on?"

Sharon thinks for a moment, gazing up to the ceiling in the hopes that an answer might appear there, "Lieutenant Flynn couldn't go home last night."

"I know what a hangover looks like, Sharon." He responds bluntly, "We need to help him." There he was, the caring boy she was proud to call her son.

"Yeah, well," she lets out a watery laugh, "neither of us have been too successful with that in the past."

Sharon watches as pain quickly flashes across Rusty's sleepy face, "But this is different, it's Lieutenant Flynn."

"I told myself the same thing about Jack." She quips in a voice full of fake happiness, "And you probably said the same thing about your mother."

"So, like, what are we gonna do?" He asks, reaching out to gently squeeze her hand, "We can't just leave him."

"You're right." She nods, the authority back in her voice, "I'm going to go wake him up, and then we're going to work."

"Are you sure that's the best idea Sharon? I mean..." His voice trails off.

"No, I'm not sure it's the right thing to do, but I'm doing it. I'm his boss, and I can't keep giving him time to sleep off the night before. He needs to get back into a routine."

"Uh... Okay." He looks at her unsurely before leaning in and hugging her quickly, "Good luck Sharon. I love you."

"I love you too." She smiles, blinking away a few stray tears, "I'm sorry you had to find him like that."

"Better here than anywhere else." He answers, and Sharon's heart breaks at the truth to his words.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Have fun at school."

Rusty throws her a playful eye roll before returning to his own room.


	6. Chapter 6

Andy's eyes slowly flicker open when he hears a stern "wake up Lieutenant" and feels whatever he's sleeping on start to shake. His vision is blurry, and he reaches up to rub his eyes as his makeshift bed shakes again.

"Lieutenant, wake up _now_." Everything comes into focus and he sees a grumpy looking Sharon Raydor standing in front of him, "Get up."

"Wha... What happened?" He looks at her confused, sitting up quickly, causing the room to spin, "No." He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, "Sharon I'm so sorry I-"

"What did I tell you about those apologies?" She questions sharply, "You don't mean it, so _don't_ say it."

"I... I don't remember..." His voice trails off and Sharon lets out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. _He didn't remember saying he loved her_.

"We're not talking about this right now." She crosses her arms over her chest, "Put your shirt on and meet me in the bathroom so I can cover up your bruise." He eyes her confusedly and he opens his mouth to say something when she cuts him off, "You're going to work, that's why."

~oOo~

"Please, stop moving and this will go a lot easier." She asks, her voice softer now than before, "I'm almost done."

"Thank you." He raises his eyes to meet hers and she quickly yet gently turns his face away so she can continue to cover the bruise, "I know how hard this is for you and after everything-"

"No. You _don't_. You have _no_ idea." She counters, her voice stern once again, "You..." She sighs and turns his head again, "You..."

"What?" He searches her eyes frantically, hoping to find some sort of clue, "Did I do something? Did I say something? Tell me, please, let me make it right."

"I can't." She lowers her gaze and shakes her head sadly, "Drunk words are sober thoughts Andy. That's what my dad always says."

He closes his eyes as she applies the last of his makeup, desperately hoping to remember what he had said last night.

~oOo~

"Flynn, Captain." Provenza nods as the two walk into the murder room, "Good morning, I suppose."

"Could be worse." Sharon forces a smile before momentarily glancing at Andy, "No new cases or leads?"

"Not yet." He shakes his head before turning on his heel and heading to his desk, "Flynn, are you just going to stand there?!"

Andy casts an apologetic look at Sharon before following his partner to their desks and watching as she retreats to her office.

Once inside her office, Sharon closes her eyes and lets out a sigh, relishing the first moments of calm in the past few hectic days. She needed some time to organize her thoughts -and although the professional part of her knew it was wrong- she decided to take advantage of it anyway. She was still trying to make sense of everything Andy had said and done recently, foremost of which being his proclamation of love.

There was no doubt in her mind that he loved her, honestly loved her, but she didn't want to believe it. Right now he was toxic, and his words carried the same toxicity.

She wanted more than anything in the world to help him recover, but she couldn't put herself through that emotional turmoil again. Not after Jack, after he single-handedly destroyed their family.

Pushing Andy away was proving to be one of the most difficult things Sharon had ever done. Last night, gently removing his shirt and kissing his forehead, she had come to terms with what she had been denying all along: _her feelings_. But there was no way in hell she would expose Rusty to someone like that again, regardless of her own emotions. Rusty came first, that had always been true, but Andy... he needed her too. _Why did things have to be so difficult?_

"Captain?" Sharon opens her eyes in surprise when her office door opens abruptly, revealing none other than Louie Provenza, "Do you have a minute?"

"Yes, of course." She responds, instantly cool and collected, "How can I help you?"

"Well," he closes the door and comes to sit across from her, "I was actually wondering about Flynn. I know it's not really my business and I shouldn't come to you with it but-"

"I'm sure he'd appreciate your concern." She forces a smile, nervously toying with her fingers, "I'm doing my best to help him be his best." She says honestly, blinking away a stray tear. _Why did this keep happening?_ Darth Raydor didn't cry, not at work, and _especially_ not in front of her second in command.

"Did he make it a whole day?" He asks, a faint hint of worry evident in his voice.

"No." She quickly schools her features, "No, he didn't. He called me last night to come pick him up. I feel like it was my fault."

"Now tell me," Provenza questions in his typical sarcastic tone, "why in the hell would you think that?"

She eyes him carefully, thankful yet wary of his confidence, "He asked me to meet with him so he could explain. He told me all the things I should have expected, all the things I heard from Jack a thousand times," she diverts her eyes to her hands, "and he told me he needed me. He told me he needed me, and I... I told him I needed space. I left, and a few hours later he called me. He said things and I couldn't... I couldn't take him home. He slept on my couch and Rusty found him and-"

"Okay, Captain," he interrupts her rant, "one question can determine whether this was _actually_ your fault. Do you want to find out?" She nods, "Did you pour that liquor down his throat?"

"No... I didn't, but that doesn't mean our conversation-"

"It wasn't your fault Captain. You did what you felt was necessary, you weren't trying to hurt him. He wanted an excuse to go out and you gave him one. He twisted up everything you said to make himself feel bad. Don't blame yourself."

"I'll try not to." She offers a small smile, "Thank you."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Provenza asks, standing up and heading for the door.

"No, please let me." She waves her hand, "Thank you again, Lieutenant."

~oOo~

The hours following her conversation with Provenza seemed to progress extremely quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to send everyone home. She made her usual 'good work, get some rest, I'll see you all tomorrow' speech before quickly tacking on 'stay safe' to which only Andy gave her a second glance. Heading back to her office to pack up the rest of her things, she hears someone walk up behind her and clear their throat. Her body instantly becomes rigid and she freezes mid-step, the door quietly clicking shut.

"Yes?" She asks, diverting her eyes to the floor.

"I, ah," Flynn lets out a sigh and takes another step towards her, "I feel like I need to make it up to you... You know with everything you've done for me lately and how I've been. I really am sorry. I know you don't believe me, but it really is true."

Sharon slowly turns to face him, taking in the sincerity of his words. He looked nervous, his hands jammed into his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his heels.

Quickly thinking back to the research she had done earlier that day, she says honestly, "I want you to get better because I care about you. When I found you last night I was so worried Andy, I'm afraid you're going to get hurt. And I know you want to be sober again, and I want to help you and support you as best I can." Sharon focuses her eyes on him, trying to hide the fact that she had no idea where those words had come from. It was all true, and she hoped it sounded that way despite how evasive she had been that morning.

"Uh... Ah..." Andy seemed lost for words (which wasn't unusual) as he took a step closer to her, "Can I... uh... hug you?" He asks cautiously.

Without uttering a word, Sharon reaches out and pulls him to her, burying her face in his chest. Being that close to her was sobering -he thought ironically- deeply breathing in the scent of her hair and the feeling of her warm body against his.

"We'll get through this, you know that right?" She asks, smiling against his chest.

"You said _we_." He echoes, voice full of surprise.

That one word reminds Sharon of the drunk man on her couch the previous night, saying the same word with equal curiosity. Suddenly, being in his arms wasn't so appealing.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thanks for the support! The title of this story comes from the amazing song _The Mighty Fall_ by Fall Out Boy, and it goes quite well with the theme (atleast I think so.) I'd highly recommend giving it a listen or looking up the lyrics :)

~oOo~

Sharon was struggling -not that she'd ever admit to it- but she was torn. There was the easy decision and a hard decision, but the more she thought about the options, the more difficult each of them seemed. The easy choice -the choice she made with her heart- was to help Andy become sober, to support him and do what she could in terms of friendship. The hard choice was to turn him away. To turn a blind eye to the broken man in front of her and act as though she couldn't see it. But the more she pondered her choices, the more distorted they became. The easy choice soon became the more difficult one and vice versa. In helping him recover, she was also giving him the opportunity to turn her life upside down and destroy it the same way Jack had. But if she turned him away, he would self destruct, she just wouldn't have to watch him do it.

Sharon lets out an exasperated sigh and rests her head on her arms at the kitchen table. She wasn't in the mood to eat, nor was she particularly in the mood to explain the current predicament to Rusty. She realized, however, that both had to be done.

"Are you okay?" Rusty questions, taking a bite of the macaroni he had made for dinner, "This is so unlike you."

"I'm just stressed." She mutters through her hands, "The past few days have _not_ been ideal."

Sharon hears Rusty push his chair away from the table and walk towards the kitchen, but she makes no effort to question him, nor does she move from her current position.

"Here." She hears the unmistakable sound of her wine glass being sat down on the table and lifts her head, offering him a strained smile.

"Thank you." She takes a sip of the wine and stirs the pasta on her plate, "You can ask. I know you want to."

"Uh, okay." He sits back down across from her, scratching the back of his neck in a very Andy-esque way, "How's the Lieutenant?"

"I have to call him later." She answers, cautiously eating a noodle, "But he seemed better today. We had a conversation before I left tonight and," she pauses for a moment, choosing not to mention their embrace in her office, "and he understands that I want to help him in any way I can. I think knowing I won't turn him away makes him feel a little better."

"But... He..." Rusty eats a spoonful of cheese sauce while he organizes his thoughts, "He's not going to get better all by himself Sharon. He needs to go back to AA and..." His voice trails off.

"I don't think he wants to go back." She explains, diverting her eyes to the practically untouched dish in front of her, "If he goes back to AA, he'll have to admit in front of everyone what he did. He'll feel even more guilty about it, and though they'll try to support him, it'll make things more difficult."

"Okay. That makes sense." Rusty nods, "What about his sponsor? He still has one of them, right?"

"I would think so." She takes a generous sip of wine, "But his addiction isn't something he's comfortable talking about -hasn't been- in all the time I've known him. I don't know his sponsor's name or the last time they talked."

"Does everyone else know?"

"No. No, just myself and Lieutenant Provenza." She shakes her head, watching as the wine swirls around the glass, "It only becomes relevant to the unit if or when he cannot preform his duties as a Lieutenant. Until then, I expect him to do his best to show up on time, sober, and in the right frame of mind to accomplish whatever tasks may be required of him."

"Woah, what's with you?" Rusty questions, throwing her a perplexed look which she quickly returns, "You just got all professional and rulebook-y."

"Well, Russell," she smirks, "I've still got some FID in me I guess."

"Clearly." He rolls his eyes, "Are you done eating?" He motions to her plate.

"Yeah." She nods, handing him the plate, "Thank you."

"You ate one noodle." He states, his voice taking on a very paternal tone, "Eat some more."

Sharon glares at him over her glasses but does as she is told, giving up again when half of the plate had been emptied, "Happy now?"

"Yes, Sharon." He laughs, accepting the plate when she hands it to him, walking to the kitchen and placing the remainder of the macaroni in a container for later, "If I can help you... or..." He hesitates, "or the Lieutenant, just ask me okay? It's wouldn't be a bother, especially not after everything he's done for both of us."

"That's really sweet, Rusty." She meets him in the kitchen, a proud smile playing on her lips, "It's going to take some time, but I know he'll pull through this. He's stronger than he lets himself believe."

Uncomfortable with where the conversation may be headed, Rusty takes it as the perfect opportunity to flee, "Well, I have homework to do, make sure you call him, okay?"

"I will." She smiles warmly, gently squeezing his forearm as he passes, "Thank you for being so supportive of him. It means a lot to both of us."

~oOo~

As much as she wanted to call Andy, she didn't want to just as much. Sitting on the edge of her bed, phone in hand, she lets out a deep breath. _What if she calls and he's drunk again? What if he doesn't answer because he's out at a bar? What if she says something that sets him off?_ All of these ideas swirl through her mind like the wine in her glass had just minutes earlier as she hesitantly scrolls through her contacts, pausing at Andy's name. She closes her eyes and falls back on the bed, clutching the phone to her chest in a futile attempt to clear her head.

Her phone vibrating in her hands nearly causes her to scream (which would've been funny had she not been _extremely_ on edge.) With shaking hands she slides her thumb across the screen, answering the call- _Andy's call_.

"Hello?" She asks, still laying back against the bed, an air of heaviness in her voice.

"Hi." He chuckles, causing Sharon -for some reason she cannot even _begin_ to fathom at the moment- to picture him in high school, tripping over his words and chuckling nervously in a failed attempt to impress a girl. But things were different now, he was older, she was older, and Sharon now knew that she _was_ that girl.

"Um, hello." She finally responds pushing a stubborn lock of hair behind her ear absentmindedly, "I was just going to call you. How're you feeling?"

"You know," he replies, sounding as if the answer was neither here nor there, "I mean, I'd like a drink but I've felt that way for the past twenty years."

"Rusty asked about you." She almost whispers, "He said he'll do whatever he can to help."

"Oh." His voice suddenly seems heavy with worry, "So... He knows?"

"Yeah. He found you this morning and came to me. The first thing he said was that we have to help you and I..." Her voice is breaking, making matters more complicated. _She shouldn't care so damn much_ , "I've never been more proud of him."

"You've raised him well." Sharon can almost see him smiling on the other end of the line, "So..."

"Hm?" She hums questioningly. A silent moment passes before she hums again, "Andy? You still there?"

"Yeah, ah, I'm just thinking." He sighs.

"About what?"

"Nicole. I just... I miss her so damn much." His voice is thick with emotion and Sharon swallows hard.

"Did I ever tell you about Amanda?"

"No. Who's Amanda?"

"I lost a daughter once too." She exhales, reaching up and rubbing her eyes, "I had just found out I was pregnant, and Jack, he wasn't around much at the time, but I was still a beat cop downtown. Kennedy and I got called to a domestic disturbance and when we showed up, we found a man yelling at his wife. She was beaten up pretty badly and he was hopped up on LSD. He just came at us. He tackled me and started punching me and I couldn't get him off. By the time Kennedy got him cuffed I knew I'd lost the baby. I could just tell and... Why am I even telling you this?" She lets out a watery laugh, a sad smile breaking across her face.

"Something about trying to relate to me?" Andy tries, a hint of sarcasm in his voice, "I'm sorry that happened to you Sharon, that's just-" he takes a deep breath, "just damn. This world is so cruel."

"It is." She sighs, sitting up and shrugging out of her jacket, "But these things happen for a reason Andy."

"Yeah, so I could fall off the wagon." He laughs cynically.

"Is that really how you see it?" She asks softly, sitting her phone on the bed and switching it into speaker mode so she can change into pajamas, "That God killed Nicole so you would drink?"

"I don't know." He sighs, "I mean, if there is a God, why the hell would he take my daughter?" The pain in his voice was evident, and Sharon bites her bottom lip as she tries to organize her response.

"Andy?" _God, this is stupid. What are you thinking Sharon?_ "Maybe... Uh..." She was always so articulate with her words, but the borderline-babble coming through the phone worried Andy, "Maybe all of this happened so you would say the things you've been holding in."

"This is about whatever I said last night, isn't it?" He exhales, no doubt running a hand through his hair, "What did I say?"

"You know." She answers cryptically, a small smile tugging at her lips, "Deep down, you know."

"Can you please just tell me?" He asks, his voice carrying a note of playful frustration, "Please?"

"What you said was eight letters." She grins to herself, knowing if she said _three words_ he'd catch on right away, "I'm sorry, I'm enjoying this a little too much."

"Eight letters?" He asks confused, "I said _eight letters_? Why the hell would I say that?"

"No," she lets out a hardy laugh as she sits on the edge of the bed, now wearing a t-shirt and fleece pants, "it was an eight letter phrase."

"Oh." He laughs awkwardly, "Well that could be any number of things. _I'm an idiot_... Crap wait that's nine."

"You're not an idiot!" She exclaims, giddy with laughter, "Also not what you said."

"Okay, hm." She can hear him tap his finger on his chin, "Let me think about it."

"Of course." Sharon smiles, wondering how the man who was now making her so happy had had her so distraught less than twenty-four hours ago, "I'm waiting."

"Okay, what about _Provenza_? That's eight letters."

"No." She giggles, curling up in bed, the phone resting on the pillow next to her head, "Not even close."

"Sharon, I don't know!" He chuckles, "Can you just tell me?"

"You _do_ know." She smirks, twirling a strand of hair with her index finger, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, honestly I'm a lot better since I talked to you and this afternoon helped a lot too."

"Ah." She breathes out, unsure of what to say or where Andy may be trying to steer the conversation.

"Yeah." He sighs, "Well I better let you go. Goodnight, Sharon."

"Andy," she says almost hesitantly, "promise you'll call if you get a craving. I promised I'd help you, and my phone's always on."

"You don't need to do that for me."

"I know. But I want to."

"I'll call you if something happens, I promise. Goodnight."

"No," she reprimands, "you'll call me _before_ something happens, understood?"

"Yes, Captain." He responds with feigned annoyance, "Thank you for everything. I can't even begin to explain what you mean to me."

"You already have." She smiles, "Goodnight, Andy."

~oOo~

Closing her eyes and letting out a deep sigh, Sharon internally kicks herself. _What was she thinking? Flirting with him like that?_ The last thing she needed right now was for him to think she was leading him on. _But would she be? Was she right now?_ She wasn't sure.

He had said he loved her, and no amount of wine would ever make her forget that. Did she love him? No, but she knew she could. She could feel it when they looked at each other, or talked like they just had. He held a special place in her heart, but she didn't love him. Not yet. But she wanted to so badly.

She wanted to run her fingertips across his imperfections, to kiss the scars that had accumulated throughout his life. She wanted him to see himself the way she did, to help him fall in love with himself as she did the same.

It was impractical. Hell, it was the _craziest_ thing she'd thought of in quite some time.

If she gave heart heart to him now, she knew it would be difficult, even more so while trying to juggle their high-risk and high-stress jobs. Sharon tries to push away the thoughts bubbling right below the surface, but she can't. She can't help but imagine what his lips would taste like when they met hers, or how his fingertips would dance across her skin as they traced her body.

She couldn't be doing this, not now. Not when he was so fragile. That thought made her roll her eyes. _Andy Flynn, fragile. Yeah right_. But she was right, she was just afraid to acknowledge it. The man that she had come to rely so heavily on, the man she sought comfort from now searched for the same things in her.

She wanted to help him on his road to sobriety just as much as she wanted to love him. He wasn't sober yet, and she hadn't yet fallen for him.

She could do both though, she knew she could.

~oOo~

A/N: This kind of sounds like an ending, and I can just leave it here (unless you fab people would like me to continue it) So please let me know!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I'm continuing this story yay!

~oOo~

Time jump about 30 days

~oOo~

"Rusty, are you almost ready?" Sharon calls down the hallway, "Andy'll be here any minute!"

"Yeah." Rusty mopes into the living room, his dirty blond hair obscuring his eyes, "Do you really need me here for this?"

"No, not really." She smiles with a shrug, reaching over to brush the hair from his eyes, "But you've been there for him, so I thought you might want to celebrate too."

"I just want cake." He shakes his head stubbornly, the hair covering his eyes again.

"Sure, mhm." She purses her lips, "Can you at least help me set everything up?"

"Everything...? Sharon how much stuff did you buy?" He laughs, following her to the kitchen, "Wow, okay, you do need help."

"See, I knew you would." She grins victoriously, picking up a cake and bringing it towards the dining room table, "And thank you." She squeezes his shoulder as they pass, a bowl of fruit and two two-liter sodas balanced precariously in the crook of his arm.

"Isn't this a little much Sharon, I mean-"

"No." She answers plainly, "This is important, and maybe I like celebrating, but that doesn't change anything."

"Uh huh." Rusty smirks before walking to her bedroom and returning with a bundle of balloons.

"Okay," Sharon blushes, diverting her eyes, "I like balloons and today seemed like a good day for them."

"They why weren't they out here?" He quirks an eyebrow, letting go of the balloons and watching as they float to the ceiling above the table.

"Because... Uh..." A knock on the door saves Sharon and she lets out a relieved breath, "You don't have to stay out here if you don't want to."

"I'll come back out for some cake." He nods before heading back to his bedroom.

~oOo~

"Andy!" Sharon shrieks, opening the door and flinging herself into his arms, "Congratulations, I'm so proud of you!" She smiles, hugging him tightly, "I'm so glad you made it!"

"Well I couldn't miss my own party." He grins down at her, one hand wrapping around her waist.

"What's in your hand?" She questions, motioning with her eyes to the arm still hidden behind his back.

"I brought you a gift as a sort of thank you." He smiles when she doesn't yet release him from their hug, "Are those balloons?!"

"Of course." She smirks, dropping her arms and turning to enter the condo, "It's a party, isn't it?"

"It is." He smiles as she closes the door behind him, "You didn't have to do all this Sharon, really I appreciate it but-"

"Today we are celebrating!" She cuts him off, "We've got balloons, cake, fruit, chips, your favorite cranberry soda, it's a party."

"It's a party." Andy smiles, walking to the dining room and placing a small box on the table, "Thank you."

"Don't thank me." She shakes her head and offers a warm smile, "You deserve it."

"No one ever did something like this for me before." He says solemnly, "I didn't expect anything like this."

"You have no faith in me." She smirks, "Would you like some cake?"

"Please." He nods, watching as she cuts through 'Congratulations Andy' written in red icing.

Almost as if by magic, Rusty emerges from his bedroom, "Did you say cake?"

"Yes," Sharon smiles at Andy and shakes her head lightly, "I suppose you want some?"

"Yes please. Congrats, Lieutenant." Rusty greets through a mouthful of cake, "She really went all out."

"She did." Andy looks at her happily, their hands brushing when he takes the cake knife from her and cuts her a piece, "So how's it going, Kid?"

"Uh... Good." Rusty looks suspiciously from his mother to the man of the hour, "Thanks for the cake, I have homework to do."

Sharon lets out a light laugh, watching as her son retreats to his bedroom, she and Andy both enjoying their cake in comfortable silence.

~oOo~

In all honesty, Sharon was not sure why she was acting this way towards Andy. Yes, she would admit that she had begun to feel things for him, but this weird display of affection was something she never expected to find herself doing.

This past month had been hard- on both of them. Andy was still grieving, and the more he grieved, the more he craved a drink. Sharon had convinced him to go to his AA meetings, and had even attended a few on occasion.

Their friendship had slowly started to transition into something else -they were now beginning to realize- thanks to the odd looks Rusty had thrown in their direction. It started with Sharon bidding him 'sweet dreams' after one of his late-night phone calls, then came the encouraging glances throughout the day. What had come over her when she heard him at the door? She was proud of him, of course, but Sharon Raydor was hardly one to initiate physical contact. Yet she found herself being propelled into his waiting arms by some invisible force.

Maybe it all boiled down to pride. Maybe seeing him there, looking whole and full of life, celebrating his first month of sobriety, had brought something back to her. She could recall like it was yesterday the number of times Jack had slipped up and come home drunk, only to tell her he'd do better next time. Andy had managed to kick his habit not once but twice, and she was immensely proud of him for that. It was only thirty days, but it was a start. Andy told her the first six months were always the hardest, and she was determined to help him get there, and beyond.

"Hey." Andy's voice softly breaks the silence as he gently lifts the plate from her hands and heads towards the kitchen, "Are you alright?"

"Yes, Andy." She responds, following him to the kitchen as she attempts to shake the thoughts ricocheting around her head, "Let me get that, it's your party."

"I'm also the guest, so I'm responsible for some cleanup." He rolls his eyes, washing the remaining crumbs and streaks of red and white icings down the drain, "You could hand me the dish towel?" He questions, allowing her to help just enough to cease her protests.

"Here." She smirks, throwing the rag at his face and laughing as he drops it and it falls into the sink, sending out numerous water droplets and clusters of bubbly soap.

"I thought you were trying to help?!" Andy laughs, "You just made a bigger mess! And I need a new towel. Please _don't_ throw this one."

"I would _never_!" She laughs, sarcasm ringing off of the last word, "Here." She lays the new rag over his shoulder, her hand lingering for a moment before she reaches up and gently brushes his nose with her fingertips, "You have bubbles on your nose."

"Do I?" He questions, gently pressing his lips to the palm of her hand.

"You... You did." Sharon smiles awkwardly, caressing the side of his cheek with her thumb, "I need to freshen up, can you get me when you're finished?"

"Of course." His face falls as she walks away, both of them missing this strange new closeness.

~oOo~

 _What the hell was she thinking?_ Sitting on her bed, her head cradled in her hands, Sharon lets out a deep sigh. All of a sudden she was having trouble keeping her hands off of him, which wouldn't have been a problem if he was anyone other than, well, _Andy_.

"You okay?" He questions as he gently knocks on the bedroom door, causing Sharon to quickly draw a breath.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine." She shakes her head and starts for the door, opening it to find Andy wearing his best puppy-dog eyes, the small package cradled in his hands, "You didn't need to get me anything." She shakes her head and smiles, a light blush creeping up her neck, "Really."

"And you didn't have to do all this either." He taps the package with his fingers, glancing up at the ceiling and rocking back on his heels, "I just wanted to give you this before I head out."

"You're leaving already?" Sharon asks surprised, "It's still early."

"I ah... I actually think a meeting would be a good thing right now." He admits, his gaze falling to the floor, "Thank you Sharon, this party was more than anything I could've asked for." He hands her the small package, wrapped in light pink sparkly paper, "Goodnight." He gently wraps an arm around her shoulder in a half-hug before walking back down the hallway and out the door.

~oOo~

Turning the box over in her slender hands, Sharon can't help but wonder if this was why he had been so eager to leave. It was uncharacteristic of him to just leave, especially without allowing her to walk him to the door.

She carefully pulls apart the paper at a taped crease, meticulously undoing the paper until she is left with the narrow, red box that lay underneath. _Andy had gotten her jewelry? Well, that was a first_. Taking off the lid, She can't help but gasp at what she finds.

A thin, silver bangle much like the ones she typically wore rested inside the box, engraved with the phrase ' _Is breá liom tú.'_

 _He remembered. Oh God, he remembered what he had said to her all those nights ago._ He had taken the time to engrave it into a bracelet, and had even remembered one of their conversations where she had mentioned her Irish heritage. What could she do other than go find him?

~oOo~

Making her way towards the dimly-lit rec room, Sharon can't help but wonder why she's doing this. He remembered what he said - _and had acted on it_ \- and now here she was, determined to figure out what the hell was going on between them.

She glances down at the set of bangles on her wrist, the newest addition a nice contrast to the others. When the light hit the engraving, the whole bangle seemed to glow a bright white, and she was sure Andy would recognize it in an instant.

Carefully stepping closer to the old, wooden double-doors of the rec room, Sharon can hear an assortment of different voices and smell the day-old coffee. Crossing the threshold, she lets out a deep breath as she scans the room for Andy. The meeting was over now, all of the attendees socializing and laughing freely. Sharon could almost feel the eyes following her as she made her way through the room. Some people may have recognized her, and some may have just been concerned that a nervous-looking woman with her purse clutched tightly in her hands had managed to find this anonymous meeting.

"Sharon?" She hears Andy's surprised voice and the sound of his metal chair scraping against the concrete floor, "Sharon, why are you here?"

"Why do you think?" She asks quietly, wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her head in the crook of his neck.

"I didn't expect you to show up here." He admits slowly as he presses butterfly kisses to her hairline, "Would you like to go on a walk?"

"I'd love to." She looks up at him, her green eyes reflecting all the emotions she was working so hard to suppress, "Do you need to say goodbye?"

"I probably should." He admits sadly, "Do you want to wait outside?"

"I can do that." She offers a light smile and squeezes his shoulder before saying, "I'll meet you outside."

"I wouldn't want it any other way." Andy replies, throwing her a lopsided grin and a wink before they head their seperate ways.

~oOo~

Leaning up against the old brick wall, her ankles crossed and her arms hugging her body tightly, Sharon waits for Andy. She could feel the anxiety prickling at her fingertips and she bites them nervously, an old habit she swore she had rid herself of. _What the hell was she thinking?_ She must be losing her mind, waiting for the man that had claimed he loved her, a dim mercury light flickering above her head.

"Hey." Andy turns the corner to find her standing there, her head reclined against the wall. She opens her eyes and gives him a small smile.

"Hi." She pushes herself off of the wall and looks at him quizzically, the wrinkles around his eyes pinching as he smiled.

"Would you like to go on a walk?" Andy questions, offering her his arm.

"I told you I did." She responds, threading her arm through his, "Where are we going?"

"I don't know." He shrugs, his free hand rooting itself deep inside his jeans pocket, "We could walk around the building a few times?"

"Okay." She decides as they start around the perimeter of the large building. They walk in silence for a few minutes before Sharon finally speaks up, "You remembered."

"I did." He says, an air of sadness in his voice, "Was it too much?"

"No, it's great." Sharon shakes her head, her eyes fixed forward, "When did you..." Her voice trails off.

"Well," Andy lets out a deep breath, reaching up and running a hand through his hair, "one night, one of the really bad nights, when I called you and I was pissed at the world thinking that no one cared about me anymore and that I didn't matter, do you remember what you said?"

"I do." She acknowledges, her hand sliding down his arm before her fingers hesitantly meshed with his, "I told you I would always have your back, and if you didn't realize that by now you were out of your mind. I told you that I would always be in your corner, even if you didn't accept it."

"And I... When we ended the call, I almost told you I loved you. And then I realized how _terribly_ I fucked up and I wanted to prove to you and to myself that I changed, that I was getting better."

"And the right way to go about that was to buy me an engraved bangle?" She quirks an eyebrow, the action barely visible under the pale moonlight, "I don't even know what to say." She breathes out as they make their way to the back of the rec hall, now surrounded by complete darkness.

"I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing Sharon. I don't know what _we're_ doing, and that makes this so much more difficult. What are we doing?" He asks, squeezing her hand lightly in an attempt to calm himself.

"I don't know either." Sharon admits defeatedly, her gaze falling to her feet as she takes a theatrical step forward, "I just don't know."

"I..." Andy sighs, squeezing her hand again, "I should've told you how I felt _in person_ , when things were actually okay between us. Instead, I ran away again, leaving you to clean up my mess. I'm sorry."

Sharon freezes in her tracks, pulling Andy back to her. She reaches up and cups his face with both hands, forcing him to meet her eyes, "What did I tell you about apologies?" Sharon asks, her voice nearly breaking, "And we're fine Andy. _We're_ a little confused, definitely, but we're not hurting over it, are we?" He shakes his head 'no,' the warmth of his skin soaking into her hands, "And how many times have I told you I helped you get sober because _I_ wanted to?"

"A lot." He admits, "But that doesn't mean I can't feel bad about it."

"But it means you don't have to." She smiles, standing on her tip-toes to better observe his features, "You shouldn't have to." Sharon leans forward as she presses a chaste kiss to his lips. In the shadow of the rec hall he couldn't see it coming, but had allowed himself just the slightest bit of hope that it would, _and it had_.

She drops her hands from his cheek down to his hands, gently cradling them in her own. Andy could feel the nervous energy radiating off of her in waves, begging him to do something.

 _There was only one thing to do_.

Spinning her around quickly and pressing her against the old brick wall, he kisses her strongly, all of his anger, guilt, and passion mixed in the action. Sharon kisses him back, her slender fingers tugging at his black t-shirt as his hands got lost in her hair. The nearly nonexistent gap between them closed when Andy takes a small step forward, kissing her one last time before the need for air overtook him. Searching her eyes for something, _-anything-_ he watches her run her tongue across her reddening lips.

"Uhm," her eyes dart up to his as she smiles brightly, "well,"

She is cut off by Andy's open mouth covering hers, a small moan escaping her lips as he pins her arms above her head. She tasted of the cranberry soda she had bought for the party, and the bitter taste of coffee still lingered in his mouth. Gently biting the tip of her tongue, he feels Sharon trying to worm her arms out from beneath his. He releases her, his hands falling to her hips as his fingers traced playful circles there. Andy feels a tug on his shirt and breaks the kiss, his eyes locking with hers.

"Are you sure?" He whispers, knowing that they were getting all too close to the point of no return.

"Yes." She breathes against his cheek and he raises his arms, ridding himself of his shirt.

Her slim fingers lightly tangle in the salt and pepper hair that marked his chest, and when he picked her off the ground, her legs came to wrap around his waist. As her arms snaked around his neck, he could feel her grinding against him.

 _There was no going back now._


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I'm in the process of writing a babyfic, so if you could head over to my profile and vote in the poll, I'd greatly appreciate it. Enjoy!

A/N2: This chapter has been edited and rewritten due to the fact that it was very out of character and I received enormous amounts of hate for it. One guest even said I have lost all credibility for this story and all of my writing. Cool, that's not gonna stop me from writing, it's just going to make me want to push myself to become better :)

* * *

The feeling of a warm body pressed against her back caused her to hum contentedly and she rolled over, stretching her arms out in the process.

"Good morning." She smiles and gently pecks the tip of Andy's nose with her lips, "This is nice."

"It is." He agrees, his arm gently snaking around her bare hip in order to pull her closer, "But it does make things more complicated."

"It's nothing we can't handle." She assures him, the pale morning light filtering through the window causing her skin to glow, "If we can handle each other, we can handle everyone else."

"I guess you're right." He grins as he captures her lips, "Pretty and smart."

"Sharon, what the fuck!" A clearly enraged Rusty Beck exclaims, bursting into her bedroom angrily.

"Rusty!" She jumps, pulling the quilt up to cover her exposed chest.

"How the hell could you sleep with him?! He's still an alcoholic! He's manipulating you Sharon! And what do you do, you sleep with him! You didn't learn anything from Jack, did you?!"

"Listen Kid," Andy barks, pulling on his boxers and rising from the bed to stand eye-to-eye with the boy, "I love your mother. This isn't how either of us intended for you to find out, but I'm not going anywhere. You're gonna have to deal with it."

"You don't love her, the whiskey you were drinking does. I heard everything that night." He responds coolly.

"Russell!" Sharon reprimands, pushing herself up in the bed in order to give her son the death glare, "Get out now, we will have an _adult_ conversation about this once I am dressed and you have calmed down. Understood?"

He doesn't offer her a response, but turns on his heel and storms out of the room, slamming the door on his way.

* * *

"Shit." Andy grumbles, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes, "Dammit Sharon, what do we do?"

She looks at him guiltily, her bottom lip protruding in a slight pout as she reaches up and cups his chin, "We're going to have to talk to him. I can't believe this Andy. I shouldn't have to justify myself to him."

"The Kid's been through a lot." He replies, reaching up and placing his hand atop hers, "And I mean... I can see where he's coming from. I'm just not sure how to prove to him that I'm not like the men his mother would bring home, and that I'm nothing like Jack." Andy explains, her ex-husband's name rolling off of his tongue laced with venom.

"You don't have to prove anything to him." She shakes her head, leaning in and lightly kissing his lips, "I just feel like I'm a teenager getting caught by her parents. I shouldn't have to explain myself to him, even with everything he's been through. If he even _remotely_ thinks I'm like his biological mother, then I've failed him." Sharon says, looking up at Andy with heavy eyes, "How do we even explain this to him?"

"We love each other, and we finally gave in to something we'd been trying to avoid for the longest time." He catches her lips with his and smiles as they kiss, Sharon hadn't yet said she loved him, but he knew how to read her. He knew she felt it, but didn't quite know how to put it into words. Right now, that was good enough for him.

"If we keep doing this, we're never going to talk to him." Sharon mumbles against his lips as he kisses her again, "And as tempting as that idea is, we have to deal with this."

"If he says anything out of line to you-" He looks at her defensively.

"No, Andy, I want him to say exactly what's on his mind. It'll be hurtful, I know that, but his feelings about us are just as valid as our feelings for each other." She offers him a sad smile and gently pecks his lips one last time before rising for the bed and heading towards the adjoining bathroom.

* * *

"Rusty, what you don't understand is that I loved Sharon long before Nicole passed away." He says the last half of the sentence regretfully, "And I would never do anything to hurt her, or you."

"Like I haven't heard that one before." Rusty scoffs and rolls his eyes, "You know, Lieutenant, I don't really give a fuck about what you're saying." Andy glares at him, his anger (and no doubt blood pressure) on the rise, "You have no idea how many times guys my mother brought home would say the same thing. They were all alcoholics and drug users, and they always left her heartbroken. And I saw her with Jack before too. She still loved him, even after everything he did to her, Ricky, and Emily. How do I know you won't do the same thing to her?"

"You don't." Andy shrugs, sitting down on the couch opposite the boy, "But you've known me for a while now Rusty. Have you ever, even _once_ , seen me treat Sharon badly?" He questions as the bedroom door clicks open and the woman in question can be heard padding down the hallway in her bare feet.

"No." Rusty shakes his head, resting his forearms on his legs, "I don't want to see her get hurt, especially by you." He admits, "I've seen her after Jack showed up a few times. She felt terrible, and when you were drunk, she felt even worse. I just..." His voice trails off and he looks up at the older man across from him, "I overreacted this morning, but it's because I care about her."

"I know why you did it Kid, but she's never done anything but protect you and help to make you a better person. The least you could do is respect our decision."

By now, Sharon had been eavesdropping on their conversation for a few minutes. Peeking out from behind the wall and stepping into the living room, she glances back and forth from Rusty to Andy, "I think I should start things off here by apologizing." She begins, sitting on the couch beside Andy, "I understand why you are apprehensive of this, but what you have to understand is that Andy is nothing like Jack or the men your mother would date. Andy is sober now, and he was for over twenty years before that. Jack never was. Jack never even tried. That alone already proves to me that Andy wants to be a part of our lives." She could tell Rusty was slowly processing the information so she continues, "Everything between Andy and I is brand new. You were supposed to be the first one to find out, and that was not _anything_ like what I had planned." She diverts her eyes and blushes as Andy reaches up and pats her thigh.

"I'm sorry too." Rusty finally responds, "I shouldn't have yelled at you like I did, but you have to understand how this looks to me, Sharon. I've known the Lieutenant for a while now, but just a few weeks ago you were helping him stumble into the condo in the middle of the night. It looks bad Sharon -no offense Lieutenant-" he adds, to which Andy just shrugs, "considering how many times I've seen something like that play out before."

"Listen, Kid," Andy hangs his head for a moment before making eye contact with the boy, his hands folded neatly in his lap, "I've messed up, _a lot_." He lets out a nervous chuckle, "I lost my family and nearly my job all those years ago because I couldn't keep my drinking under control. I missed watching Nicole and Michael grow up. I missed their high school graduations because they didn't want me around. Miranda divorced me because I would rather go out and get drunk with Provenza than uphold my responsibility as a husband and father. I'm _never_ going to make that mistake again." He says seriously, "Trying to rebuild my relationship with Michael, making sure to be there for Stephen, Aaron, and Seth, and building this relationship with Sharon and you are too important to throw away. I've already lost everything once." He hangs his head sadly as Sharon reaches over and rubs his back in an attempt to calm him, "I would never willingly throw my life away. Not again."

Rusty glances at the man in front of him through sad blue eyes. He knew exactly what Andy was feeling, and yet, he had been a complete and utter spoiled brat. Sharon hadn't raised him that way, but he still had his moments. This was a very rare occurrence, making him feel even worse. He had taken his trust and his faith in Sharon and led both her and Andy to believe that nothing they ever did for him mattered because of the situation that now stood before them. That wasn't true, not at all, and he decided to break the awkward silence that had fallen in order to make that known, "I still respect you two."

"I would hope so." Sharon shakes her head, a small grin tugging at the corners of her lips, "And as your mother and..." she pauses for a moment, searching for the right word, "friend," she waves in Andy's direction, "we respect you as well. We all overreacted this morning, but it's nothing that can't be fixed."

"Your mother's right." Andy rejoins the conversation, picking up his head and looking tiredly at the boy, "But I'm not planning on going anywhere any time soon, and all of our children are going to have to learn to accept that."

"We're getting too old to have to be worrying about what our children think of our relationship." Sharon adds, "It isn't like we have a bunch of toddlers that need to be raised. All of you are adults, and I hope that all of you will be able to respect Andy and my decision like the man I raised you to be."

Rusty glances wearily to his mother, "I will... It's... It's just going to take some time." He replies hesitantly, "None of my mother's relationships ever went well, but you're not them, thankfully. I really am glad to have you guys, just so you know that." Rusty gets up from the couch and starts for the hallway when Sharon calls him back.

"Come on, give me a hug." She smiles warmly, waving her hands as if to bring him to her, "Show your momma some love." He gives her a puzzled look but hesitantly wraps his arms around her waist as she squeezes him tightly, her head resting on his shoulder, "Thank you, for trying to be okay with this." She whispers in his ear and he nods in response as they end the hug, "I'll see you after school?"

"That's the plan." He nods before heading off down the hallway.

* * *

"Well, that was awful." Andy sighs as he and Sharon sit down to eat breakfast, scrambled eggs that he had made for them.

"It could've been worse. I thought it went pretty well." She assures him, taking a sip of her orange juice, "Trust me, I've had much more heated conversations with him about much more trivial things."

"But what if he's right?" Andy questions hesitantly, admiring how young she looked without makeup, "What if this doesn't work out and we aren't friends anymore?"

"Not gonna happen." She responds matter-of-factly, "You're stuck with me now, Buster."

"Oh really?" He quirks an eyebrow and grins at her. She responds by gently kissing his lips, letting out a laugh when he continues to grin at her.

"Mhm." She hums, "Andy, did you mean what you said to Rusty, about not going anywhere, this being permanent?"

"You said it yourself Sharon, we're getting too old to be doing this like a couple of teenagers. I want us to have a life together, whether that means working together until we're ninety or buying a beach house big enough for all the kids and grandkids then so be it, but I want us to do it together."

"I'd like that very much." She smiles happily as he picks up their plates and heads towards the kitchen.

"So does that mean you're my _girlfriend?_ " Andy quirks an eyebrow, rinsing their dishes before placing them in the dishwasher.

"Oh heavens I hope not." Sharon scrunches up her face in disapproval, "That's quite a juvenile term, don't you think?"

"Well," Andy comes to stand in front of her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer which causes her to giggle, "you're technically my _lover_ , but that makes it sound like I'm not completely serious about you." He grins as he captures her lips, eliciting a small moan from her, "And you're not my _fiancee_ or my _wife_ , at least not yet." He smirks mischievously, "And I don't think you'd like being referred to as _Andy's arm candy_ very much."

"I've been called worse." She teases, "Mostly by you."

"That was the old me, before I became your _partner._ " He replies.

" _Partner?_ Oh god no." She sighs and leans into his chest, "That tops the list of awful ways to refer to each other."

"What? Do you want a code name?" He laughs, throwing his arms out behind her back in surrender.

"Now that I could work with." She smirks, leaning up on her tip toes to kiss his jaw, "What would they be then? Since you seem to be the mastermind behind this whole plot?" She quirks an eyebrow at him, one corner of her mouth turning up in a smile.

"Well," he looks at her mischievously, his hazel eyes sparkling with enjoyment, "when the team asks you what you're doing tonight and you respond with something boring like _'reading a book_ ' or _'watching a movie,'_ I'll know you actually mean you'll be _doing_ me."

"God, Andy, you are _awful!_ " She throws her head back and laughs, slapping his chest playfully, "I suppose my code name will be _'an AA meeting'_ or something like that?"

"No. Not at all." Andy scoffs, "I'm going to take this opportunity and use it to spoil you."

"Oh, yeah?" She cocks her head at him, the natural light filtering through the kitchen window accenting the golden flecks in her eyes, "And what exactly does that mean?"

"It means..." he leans down and captures her lips, pulling her even closer to him still, "if the guys ask me what I'm doing tonight I'm gonna tell them I'm going on a date with the most beautiful woman in Los Angeles. I'll tell them how smart and funny she is, and how great she is in bed." He jiggles his eyebrows playfully, "And they'll never suspect I'm talking about you. It'll be fun."

"Okay, _book_ ," she laughs, "we need to get ready for work."

" _Most beautiful woman in LA_ , it seems you are correct." He throws back, "The last thing I need is to be late for work. I hear that Captain is a real stickler for the rules."

"Cute." She smirks before worming her way from his arms and disappearing down the hallway to prepare for the day.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Special thanks to Riley for reminding me this story existed. I don't know what I was thinking when I marked it complete. It's definitely _not_ complete. So if there's anyone left who's still reading after all these months, thank you so much for sticking around! (Also thanks to Riley for watching me as I wrote this, that was definitely interesting lol)

A/N2: _WARNING_ mention of abuse so if you're uncomfortable reading that just skip to the next chapter :)

A/N3: I asked for opinions in the Shandy group, and then proceeded to go with my gut feeling anyways. Oops.

~oOo~

Today was supposed to be an easy day, so of course they had to catch a case like this. It wasn't a serial murder, or the death of a child, or any number of the other gruesome things they encountered on a daily basis. It was a wife, killed by her alcoholic husband in a rage, and it was touching _entirely_ too close to the nerve.

" _Why_ did you kill her?" Andy asks for the third time, to which the man just shakes his head and starts crying again.

"I don't know! I don't remember! I was shitfaced drunk! I blacked out and when I woke up Sammie was dead!" Andy looks at the husband empathetically, knowing _exactly_ how he felt (well minus the murder part, of course.)

"I need you to remember Mr. Walker, just try your best to remember." He coaxes.

"I can't! It's not that easy! You don't know what it's like, do you?! To wake up somewhere and have no idea how you got there in the first place! To lose everything you ever loved over a nice bottle of scotch!" Andy's eyes filled with rage and he started to say something when the interview room door opened to reveal Sharon.

"Lieutenant Flynn, a moment please?" She asks, a hint of Darth Raydor in her voice. Andy grumbles and straightens his tie before leaving the interview room and closing the door, "Let someone else do this interview." Her voice had softened considerably, and worry shimmered in her eyes, "This is too close for either of us. Let Provenza take care of it."

"Her family needs justice. I can't let this scumbag get away." He sighs deeply, reaching up and rubbing his temples, his other hand coming to rest on his hip, "I've seen lives destroyed too many times by guys like him. I don't want anyone else to have to know that pain."

"Andy…" Sharon reaches out and rubs his shoulder, biting her lips to keep from saying something she shouldn't. "Just take a break, please. Go sit in my office and get something to eat. I'll be right there, I just have to ask Provenza to take care of this. He knows how hard this is on you."

"But how am I supposed to get through this when you keep trying to protect me?" He turns to look at her, his chocolate eyes pleading, "I need to face what I could've turned into. I have to face the fact that there are people out there far worse than me, and I need to stop hiding from the truth. You know better than everyone else how important this is to me."

"Are you two going to finish up here any time soon?" Provenza grumbles, slamming the tech room door and storming towards them, "Our suspect has been sitting in there for five minutes now because you two are.." he rolls his eyes and shakes his head, "you know… I don't even want to know. Just get out of my way." He slaps Flynn's arm and he moves aside as Provenza enters the interview room.

"Well I guess that takes care of that then." Sharon purses her lips and rolls her eyes, "Come back to my office and calm down for a little while. I'll go get you some coffee." She reaches up and gently strokes his cheek with her thumb, "I'll be right back."

~oOo~

Returning to her office, two mugs in hand, Sharon can't help but grin to herself. Andy was sitting in front of her desk, spinning a quarter across the wooden surface.

"Here's your coffee." She smiled and handed it to him just as the coin rattled to a halt, "What's with the quarter?" She questions, sitting across from him and sipping her tea.

"I'm just trying to keep myself busy." He responds, the latter half of his sentence muffled as he laid his head down on her desk.

"Talk to me Andy." She asks cautiously, reaching forward to run a hand through his silver hair, "I know you're holding everything in right now."

"Dammit!" He exclaims and picks his head up. Sharon looks taken aback but calms when he places his hands atop hers, "This just makes me so mad! I could've been that drunken idiot! I could've killed Miranda and the kids or you and Rusty! Jack could've been in the same position! It just makes me so furious to think I could do something like that when I was drunk. It just…" His voice trails off and he lets out a deep sigh, gently squeezing Sharon's hands.

"You're not like him Andy." Sharon assures him, her voice soft as she tried to comfort him, "It's frightening, I'll admit, but not all alcoholics are violent. You're not."

"What about Jack?" Andy asks seemingly out of nowhere, locking his eyes with hers.

Sharon quickly diverts her gaze, "It's in the past Andy, it doesn't matter." She sighs, "And I… It's not relevant. I don't want to talk about it right now."

She gently withdraws her hands from beneath his and he looks at her sadly, "It matters to me, okay?" His voice cracks as he says the last word, conveying just how desperately he needed this answer.

"That's a conversation for a later time." She looks back to him, instantly calm and composed again, "I promise we'll talk about it later, but right now we should go check on Provenza."

~oOo~

God, did he _hate_ her sometimes. Hate how she could deflect his questions so easily. It drove him insane. If she asked him a question he would answer it immediately. He wouldn't beat around the bush or brush it under the rug like she did.

He was almost sure he knew the answer to his question by her lack of answer. That infuriated him more than her not answering, the thought that Jack had ever laid a hand on her. _That just gave him another reason to hate the sonofabitch._

"Andy!" Provenza exclaims and Andy jumps, fixing his partner with an unhappy glare.

"What?" Andy throws his hands up in the air defeatedly.

"Well, Andy," Sharon addresses him softly, "Lieutenant Provenza and I were just discussing how to tell Stephen Walker's family that he's been convicted of murdering his wife, and how to arrange for the care of the Walkers' children."

"Oh," Andy focuses on her for a moment, "how old are their kids?"

Provenza does a double-take before whispering "idiot" under his breath, "They're fifteen and nine. And no you _cannot_ take them home. Before you ask."

Andy looks to Sharon for support and she shrugs, pulling her lips into her mouth to silence herself yet again. Of course Andy would want to help those kids. God knew she did, but it was nearing on impossible. Her situation with Andy was still very new and fragile, and her condo was cramped enough as it was without adding two more teenagers to the mix, "One of their relatives should have custody over them, a godparent most likely." Sharon explains to Andy's visible dismay.

"But what if they don't?" Andy questions, causing Provenza to let out a deep breath, "What if those kids end up in the system?"

Sharon looked at him empathetically, her eyes saying everything she couldn't at the moment. _Yes_ , she wanted to help those kids. _No,_ she wasn't a foster home. Part of her felt selfish for not being able to take the children in if they needed someone. The other part of her hated to think of what could happen to the kids if they ended up in the system, what could happen if they didn't grow up in a proper home. She felt so strongly about these children, not only because of Andy, but because of Rusty. If she hadn't taken Rusty in, he'd probably still be out working the streets, _or worse._ The thought made her skin crawl.

"Captain," Lieutenant Tao interrupts, rapping on the door with his knuckles before opening it, "Sammie Walker's family is here."

Sharon and Andy exchange a look, each of them letting out a deep breath. Provenza rolls his eyes and mumbles something under his breath, these two _idiots_ were really starting to test his patience.

~oOo~

"You're _really_ pretty!" The younger of the two daughters, Marie, exclaimed, crawling into Sharon's lap.

"Thank you." Sharon says quietly, wrapping an arm around Marie and looking nervously into the adjoining conference room, "Sara, you've been awfully quiet."

"Mom's been murdered and it's Dad's fault, sorry I'm not all sunshine and rainbows." The dark-haired teen responds gruffly, still occupied with her cellphone, "What are you, the babysitter?"

"No, she's the Princess!" Marie explains and Sharon smiles warmly, allowing the small girl to braid her hair.

"I'm the Captain." Sharon redirects her statement to the eldest girl, her eyes momentarily drifting to the glass, and Andy on the opposite side, "But Princess doesn't sound so bad." She reaches up and pushes a strand of unruly blonde hair behind Marie's ear, pursing her lips in a sort of sad half-smile.

"What are you looking at?" Marie questions, Sharon's gaze still locked on Andy.

"She's got the hots for the old guy." Sara responds without looking up and Sharon turns her head quickly, narrowing her eyes at the girl, "Excuse me, the _younger_ old guy." Sara corrects.

"He's my Lieutenant, and he's had a rough couple of weeks. I tried to talk him into letting me talk to your aunt but he wouldn't let me." Sharon sighs, the conversation they had had still ringing in her ears. ' _I know how it feels to be in their shoes. To lose your family over addiction. Let me do this. I have to.'_

"If you're the boss, why didn't he listen?" Both girls ask, Marie observing Sharon with large blue eyes, "Why doesn't he listen?"

"Well," Sharon cocks her head to the side as she tries to formulate a response, "Lieutenant Flynn has a really big heart. And sometimes, when you care about something an awful lot, you let your emotions control you. He cares about what happened to your family, and he wants to do everything he can to help the two of you. I couldn't stand in the way of that."

"Why does he care? It's not his life that got destroyed." Sara finally sits down her phone and looks at Sharon, her dark hazel eyes a near mirror image of Andy's, "He doesn't even know us."

"But he knows what it's like, to an extent." Sharon explains, reaching into her purse and removing a coloring book and crayons for a now rammy Marie.

"He knows what it's like to have your drunk dad beat the shit out of you and your sister and kill your mother? He knows what that's like, does he?" Sara questions cynically, her eyes locking with Sharon's as she tried to sum the older woman up, "There's _no way_ he knows what that's like."

"You're right. He doesn't." Sharon sighs, picking up a purple crayon and handing it to Marie, "But he knows what it's like to lose everything because of alcohol. He knows what it's like to lose the people you care about most. And I, I know what it's like to…" She pauses for a moment and lets out a deep breath, diverting her eyes to the picture Marie was drawing, "I know what it's like to be afraid of what's coming the next time. I know what it's like to cry in the middle of the night after everyone has fallen asleep." She picks up a crayon and begins drawing on her own piece of paper and Marie stops what she is doing to watch her, "I know what it's like to hate your own body because of the scars. Lieutenant Flynn and I, we do know what you're feeling." Sharon closes her eyes and hugs Marie tightly, pressing a kiss to the crown of the girl's head, Sara eyeing the two of them curiously.

'How do I know you're telling the truth?" She questions as Marie takes the red crayon from Sharon and gives her the green one, "How do I know this isn't some lie so we open up to you?"

Sharon glances over into the interview room and sees that Andy and the Walkers were still deeply engrossed in conversation. She closes her eyes and lets out a deep breath before picking Marie off of her lap and sitting her in the chair beside her, "You want to know if I'm telling the truth?" Sharon questions, bracing herself for the answer she knew was coming.

"Yes." Sara replies in a small voice.

"Okay." Sharon takes a deep breath, "This is my secret. No one knows about it, not even my children. Can you keep it a secret for me?"

Marie nods excitedly, not understanding the seriousness of the conversation. Sharon purses her lips and closes her eyes yet again before reaching down, her fingers delicately dancing around the hem of her skirt. She glances up at Sara, who appeared even more nervous than Sharon felt. Carefully rolling her skirt up to the middle of her thigh, she touches her leg gently, _even after all these years it still hurt._

"How did you get it?" Sara questions, motioning towards the thick streak of white that ran from just above Sharon's kneecap all the way to her hip.

"My ex-husband," Sharon lets out a nearly inaudible chuckle, "he used to drink a lot. He left me with two young children to raise, and what money I made he managed to gamble away. When he would come home drunk, he expected… _things_ , and if he didn't get those _things_ he would hurt me." She closes her eyes and wraps her arms around Marie again, clinging to the girl in an attempt to regain her composure and keep the memories at bay, "So _yes,_ I do know exactly how you two are feeling."

"I'm sorry." Sara hangs her head sadly as Marie helps Sharon roll her skirt back down, "We have some too."

 _God, did she hate this, having to go through this process again and again. First with Rusty and now with these two girls. Morales would have to examine them, catalog every injury, every scar on their bodies and determine what caused them. Their pasts would be brought to light again, and she would ache for them every step of the way._

 _Why did the world have to be so cru_ _el?_


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: I'm running on limited internet at the moment, so my stories are going to be updated slower than usual. I promise to do the best I can._

 _A/N2: Mentions of abuse_

 _~oOo~_

"What are we going to do?" Sharon asks from the couch in her condo, her hands covering her face as she tried to formulate a plan.

"I don't know." Andy admits honestly, "But we have to do something. We _have_ to."

Sharon lets out a loud groan and pushes herself up from the couch, "Dammit!" She exclaims, and Andy looks at her surprised, "Dammit!"

"Hey, Sharon," Andy coos, rushing over to her from the kitchen, "Everything's going to be alright, okay?" He wraps his arms around her and rubs her back soothingly as he ghosts kisses across her hairline, "Take a deep breath, please sweetheart."

"Dammit!" She exclaims again as warm tears rolled down her cheeks, "They don't deserve this! They're children!" She leans into Andy's chest and shudders, balling his white t-shirt up in her fists as she continued to cry, "He hurt them Andy! How could anyone ever…" The words die off and she allows herself to _really_ cry, her tears soaking into Andy's shirt.

"The girls are safe. I talked to Andrea and she wrote up custody papers. Sammie's sister, Ana, has guardianship of Sara and Marie. No one is going to hurt them again, I promise." Andy soothes, the rumbling of his voice vibrating against Sharon's cheek.

"We need to do something for them Andy. They've been through so much and," she lets out a deep sigh, "I want to help make them as happy as I can."

"I understand that sweetheart, believe me I do." He replies, ending the hug and reaching up to cup her cheeks, wiping away her tears with his thumbs, "And I saw how happy the girls looked when I came to your office to get them. They were _smiling_. They were _laughing_. And Marie had some pretty good drawings too. No, they don't deserve the lives they've gotten, but they left the PAB much happier than when they came in. You know that, don't you?"

"Mhm." Sharon hums with a nod, pinching her eyes shut and tilting her head down and away from Andy, "It's just… It kills me to think that anyone could harm those girls."

"I know." Andy admits sadly as he presses a kiss to Sharon's forehead, "Honey I know how much this is weighing on you; I feel it too, but tomorrow is gonna be the day their lives turn around. I talked to Fernando and he made time to do an examination of the girls. Then we send their scumbag dad off to trial for murder and abuse and they'll never have to see him again. Tomorrow's the beginning of a new story."

"Thank you." Sharon breathes out, wrapping her arms around Andy's neck and standing on her tiptoes as she nuzzled into his embrace, "I really needed to hear that."

"Anything for you Sharon." He assures her, leaning down and pressing another kiss to her forehead, "Tomorrow's going to be better for all of us."

~oOo~

 _This was the second night they had spent together, and the second night he had cried to himself after Sharon had drifted off._

He missed Nicole so much, more than he ever thought possible. And now, laying in bed with Sharon as her body lightly heaved with sobs even as she slept, he felt regret. Regret that Sharon had helped him through his darkest moments and he could do nothing for her but make empty promises. Regret that she had poured her heart and soul into his recovery and all he could do was hold her while she broke.

"Andy? Are you still awake?" Sharon asks, her voice rough with tears as she turned in his arms and sniffled, "Andy?"

"Sweetheart I'm awake." Andy responds, clearing his throat before pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, "Are you alright?"

"Are you?" Sharon asks, cupping his chin lightly as he pinches his eyes closed, two stray tears escaping and sliding down his cheeks, "Andy, what's wrong?" She looks at him worriedly, caressing his cheek with the pads of her thumbs as she watched him carefully.

"Nothing. I'm- I'm fine." Andy rolls onto his side and away from Sharon, "Go back to sleep Sharon."

"Andy, please don't shut down on me." Sharon pleads, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling him towards her, "Please talk to me." She coos, kissing the back of his shoulders as she rubbed his stomach, "Andy." Her voice was but a whisper and Andy lets out a quiet sigh before finally opening up to her.

"I miss Nicole so much Sharon. She's all I've been thinking about since the accident and…" his voice fades out before Sharon feels him inhale a quick breath, "and… I hate that even now, even after everything you've helped me through and everything you're going through, you still have to take care of me. It just… makes me so mad that I have emotions. It makes me _so mad_ that even in my dreams I see her being placed on a stretcher and loaded into an ambulance. I don't have those good memories with Nicole anymore. Whenever I think of her, all I remember is that last day. And I… I hate it." He manages to choke out, "I want my daughter back Sharon. I want Nicole back."

 _What was she supposed to say? She couldn't promise him it'd be okay because she didn't know it would be. She couldn't tell him Nicole would want him to move on because she had no idea if that were true. She had no idea if Andy would be able to pull himself out of this pit again; the very thought shook her to her core._

"You know what?" Sharon gets up from the bed and comes to Andy's side, kneeling down in front of him and caressing his cheek, "Nicole's not coming back. She's never coming back and no amount of hiding is going to change that Andy. None. Come on, get up." She grunts and tries to sit him up in the bed, "Andy, please."

"I don't want to Sharon." He responds, shifting his weight to make Sharon's task even more difficult.

"You know what, fine." Sharon gives up, throwing her hands out in front of her as she stood, "I don't know what you want me to do. I'm gentle with you, you don't try. I'm straightforward with you and you still don't try. I know this is hard Andy, Nicole was like a daughter to me too. But I can only do so much. You have to try and meet me halfway, please."

"Fine." He acquiesces with a grumble and pushes himself up in the bed, "Thank you Sharon."

~oOo~

No words could describe how much Andy didn't want to be here, how much he didn't want to be awake at 2:45 in the morning strolling through a mall with Sharon.

Her intentions were good, and he appreciated that, but he just wanted to sleep. For a few days if he were being honest with himself, and being addicted to sleep was much less harmful than his previous demon, he supposed.

"What about this one?" Sharon asks hopefully, picking another Lego box off of the shelf and holding it up for him, "They like zoos, don't they?"

"Yes, of course, the boys like zoos." Andy sighs and rubs his temples, his earlier outburst over a Lego garage still fresh in both of their minds, "Can we be done now?" He asks, his voice low with sadness, "I'm tired and we have work tomorrow."

"Nope. You're not going to work tomorrow." She grins, dropping the box into the shopping cart and pushing it down the aisle, "You're taking the day off and you're spending time with Stephen and the kids." Sharon states matter-of-factly, "That's the point of this trip."

"Sharon, dammit." He sighs and stops walking, causing Sharon to nearly hit him with the cart, "The last thing I need is to be around them right now, okay? I know you're looking after my best interest, but I'm not ready yet. Every time I see them it reminds me of Nicole and it pulls me back down. I'm sorry for wasting the trip."

Sharon looks around for a moment before walking around the shopping cart and wrapping her arms around Andy, "I'm sorry." She sighs, "You promised you were going to see the boys and I thought that now might be a good time to do it." She explains, "I don't know what I was thinking. Let's just go home."

"No, sweetheart," he shakes his head and looks down at her, gently capturing her lips, "let's get the kids the toys. This weekend we'll go visit, I promise."

"We?" She cocks her head to the side questioningly, "You want me to go?"

"If you want to." Andy responds, "I just think it might be easier for me if I had you there. That was dumb. I'm sorry. There I go again assuming you'll take care of me. Damn."

"No, Andy," she pats his chest and offers a small smile, "I promised you we were in this together. Don't apologise for making me follow through on that, okay? And I'd love to go with you this weekend. Should we bring Rusty?"

"If he wants to go." Andy shrugs, "Can we please get home now? It's after three and I've hardly slept."

"Yes, we can go home." Sharon sighs sarcastically, "You know Provenza is going to draw conclusions about both of us being tired, don't you?" She quirks an eyebrow playfully as they head towards the checkout.

"Wouldn't be the first time he said something ridiculous." Andy responds with a roll of his eyes, "I really am trying Sharon, you know that, don't you?"

"It's a process." She nods, "I know you're doing your best."

~oOo~

 _Everything about this felt wrong_. The fact that these girls, these young, innocent girls had to be stripped down and every mark on their bodies catalogued. There were some cases that chilled everyone to the bone, and this was _definitely_ one of those cases.

Watching the scene before her intently, Sharon can't help the pang of sadness that passes through her as she sits in the conference room, the blinds drawn tightly shut, a rammy gown-clad Marie drawing with her once again. It almost felt like a dream, the three am shopping trip that had lead Sharon to buy an assortment of art supplies, and now, sitting in the large room waiting for Morales to show up so that this could all be done and over with.

"Look Princess, it's you!" Marie exclaims happily and hands her latest drawing to Sharon. The Captain can't help but smile to herself, a roughly-drawn crown adorning her likeness's head, "Do you like it?"

"I love it." Sharon smiles happily, "Did I tell you my name is Sharon?" She asks the girl, recalling only now that she had been called 'princess' and only 'princess' by the child, "You can call me that if you like."

"Okay Sharon." Marie responds and hugs her happily as Morales enters the conference room.

"Hi, sorry I'm late." He apologises, "Sara was being stubborn," he shakes his head, "and that _Lieutenant_ of yours," he emphasises, " _wasn't_ helping."

"Well," Sharon offers a small shrug and a nervous smile, "you should know by now that he doesn't listen to me."

"Well he doesn't make my job any easier." The doctor responds with an eye roll, "Get him under control, for the love of God."

"I'm doing my best." She responds lightheartedly as she helps Marie onto the makeshift table, her features softening considerably as Fernando began his examination on the young girl.

~oOo~

In school, Sharon Raydor had always loved math, loved the logic behind the numbers. _But not today, not when Fernando reported all of the girl's injuries to herself and Andy._

 _1,620 and 2,700 injuries between Marie and Sara respectively. That added up to fifteen assaults per month every year since birth_.

The thought made Sharon's skin crawl. What kind of monster would do something like that to their children? Letting out a deep sigh, she unconsciously rubs the scar on her thigh. There were some days that were just too much, and she'd had her fair share of them recently.

"Sweetheart, it's okay." Andy looks up at her from the other side of her wooden desk, the emotional turmoil she was experiencing written clearly across her features, "Hey," Andy reaches out and places his hand atop hers, her eyes immediately raising to meet his, "you did a _great_ thing today. You know that, don't you?"

"How is any of this a great thing?" She asks quietly, diverting her eyes away from Andy, "I know we're doing all we can to help them, but how is any of this good?"

"Well," Andy offers a small nod of his head as he taps his index finger on Sharon's hand, "now we can send Tony Walker to prison for manslaughter and child abuse. He's going away for life, there's no doubt in my mind about that. And _your_ care and concern has been a key part in that. It really is a great thing Sharon, those girls finally have a chance at a normal life!" He adds excitedly.

"They don't have a chance at a normal life Andy." Sharon states quietly, sliding her hand out from beneath his and rising from the chair, picking up her purse sadly, "Some things you go through you can't ever recover from."

"Sharon, what does that mean?" Andy asks worriedly, gently grabbing her shoulder and turning her to face him, tears clinging in the corners of her eyes.

"It means I'm going home." She responds, clutching her purse in her hands, her knuckles white and her hands shaking slightly, "Good work today Andy, really, good work." She offers a nod and turns towards her office door, reaching for the handle when Andy gently caresses her shoulder again.

"You really shouldn't drive Sharon, you're shaking." Andy persists, "I'm worried about you. Either let me take you home or stay here until you calm down, please."

"I can take care of myself." Sharon responds, biting back tears as she takes another step towards the door, "I don't need you for that."

"Well Sharon, then what _do_ you need me for? What am I to you? What are _we_? Am I just some… some _thing_ you use to distract yourself from the horrors we see every day? This morning you were upset that I wouldn't tell you why I was crying. I was struggling, I still am. I've been dealing with more emotions recently than I'd like to admit, and I tried to push you away because of it. And you got angry with me. And now, standing in your position, I know why you were so damn angry." He sighs, massaging his temples with one hand as the other comes to rest on his hip, "And you can be as angry with me as you want but I'm not letting you risk your own life because I upset you. Now, may I please have the car keys?" He asks, extending his palm and watching with a deep sigh as Sharon turns and exits the office.

~oOo~

Some days he wondered how he had survived the last few years with Sharon Raydor. She was a mess right now, and he was trying his hardest to keep her grounded, but it was becoming harder and harder to do that when she kept pushing him away. Coming to stand in front of her condo door, Andy lets out a deep sigh before raising his fist and quickly rapping his knuckles on the door. He hears movement from the other side and grins to himself, hoping more than anything that Sharon would open the door for him.

"Andy, why are you here?" She questions, her voice much more calm and controlled than it had been back in her office, "Please go away."

"Well, I uh…" Andy rocks back on his heels and shrugs his shoulders, "I've sort of been living here the past few weeks, so if you're going to kick me out, the least you can do is let me get my clothes."

"Fine." He hears a sigh from behind the door as the locks start to click and the door opens to reveal Sharon in a pair of yoga pants and a blue sweater, her hair pulled up in a haphazard ponytail. She opens the door and steps aside so that Andy can enter, diverting her gaze to the floor the second their eyes meet.

"Can you please talk to me?" Andy asks softly, shoving his hands deeply into his pockets as he takes large strides into the condo, "I'm not going to give up, you know that, don't you?" He asks, his voice peppered with concern, "Sharon?"

"Okay, you know what, fine." She sighs, crossing her arms over her chest and looking up at him over the frames of her glasses, "You want an explanation, I'll give you an explanation." Sharon huffs, walking quickly to the couch and flopping down, a few stray pieces of hair falling from her ponytail to frame her face, "Happy now?"

"I, uh…" Andy looks at her dumbfounded, surprised by her minor outburst, "I just want to know what's gotten you so upset." Andy explains, ghosting his thumb across her knee before clasping his hands together in his lap.

"Just…" Sharon sighs and pushes the strand of hair that had come loose behind her ear, "don't talk about things you don't understand anymore, please." Andy opens his mouth to say something but Sharon interrupts him, "Maybe I'm upset over nothing. But hearing you say those girls would have a normal life, it killed me. It'll take years before they can even _try_ to acknowledge what they've been through. And then there will be days when they wake up and wonder why they were never good enough for their father, days when they hate their bodies because of the scars he put there. It's a downward spiral Andy. Of course they can smile and laugh and act happy, but the emotional trauma takes years and years to overcome. There's nothing _normal_ about that." She explains monotone, focusing on the vase of flowers on the opposite side of the living room.

"Sharon," Andy says her name quietly and she looks at him, her eyes misted over as his hand comes to cup her chin, "what happened to you?"

"Battle scars." She shrugs with a weak laugh, "You know how it is."

"No, I _don't._ " Andy responds strongly, "And that's why I would like you to tell me. We're supposed to be in this together, through all the good and bad stuff. You've been there for me for a hell of a lot lately, the least you could let me do is return the favour."

"You'll just get upset Andy, it's not a big deal." She hedges, getting up from the couch and attempting to head down the hallway when Andy gently pulls her back to him.

"Hey," he watches her softly, caressing the inside of her wrist with his thumb, "I'm not going to push you to tell me if you don't want to, but you should know that nothing makes me more upset than when you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you." Sharon shakes her head with a light chuckle, "I'm mad at the world. Mad at this terrible, sad," she reaches up and brushes a tear from her eye, "fucked up world Andy. I'm mad at this world, mad that things like that can happen for years without anyone finding out. I'm mad that people stay in abusive relationship or… or don't report what they're going through because of the fear. I'm mad that those girls are going to have to grow up in the shadow of a murderer, but I'm sure as hell not mad at you."

"Sharon," Andy stands up and looks at her softly before pulling her into his arms, "you don't need to say anything else Sweetheart, I know what you're trying to say. I know you're scared, and I know you're hurting, but I'm never going to let anything bad happen to you ever again, I promise." He whispers, kissing her hairline as he had the previous evening, "And the next time I see Jack he better pray someone's there to hold me back."

"Andy," Sharon sniffles and looks up at him, her glasses smudged and her hair even more disheveled, "you don't have to fight my battles for me. It's long over. Everything that happened happened. You don't need to go fight a war that already ended."

"He had no right to-"

"You're right. He didn't. And _you_ have no right to go hunt him down to protect me. I learned a long time ago that right and wrong didn't apply to Jack. I've moved on, and I'm happy now." She closes her eyes and nuzzles into Andy's chest, "It's taken me years, but I've gotten over what he did to me."

"But we could report him and get his ass thrown in jail where he belongs." Andy hisses and hugs Sharon tighter.

"No." She shake her head and closes her eyes again, "The statute of limitations is a year at most. That was the reason we separated over twenty years ago. I was done letting him push me around. It is much too late to report anything, and it's no one's fault but my own that it was never reported in the first place."

"None of what happened to you was your fault, you know that, don't you?" Andy questions worriedly, his arms still protectively wrapped around Sharon, "It was no one's fault but that piece of shit Jack's."

"I didn't know that at the time though Andy." She sighs, "It's like I told you earlier, it took years to overcome what I went through. And the girls are going to have the same problem. When they are old enough to understand the severity of what they went through, they'll want to know what they did to deserve that kind of treatment. They'll want to know why they were worth those broken bones and scars, and no one will have an answer for them."

"That's where you're wrong Sweetheart." Andy responds as he massages her back, pressing a kiss to her forehead when she looks up at him, "They'll have _you_."


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: It's been months, but I'm finally updating! I have more time on my hands now, so I'll be updating all of my ongoing stories (Philophobia, The Mighty Fall, and Little Slippers) If anyone's still reading, an immense thank you for your patience!_

~oOo~

The drive to Nicole's house was eerily quiet, not even the radio broke the silence. Every so often Sharon would glance at Andy out of the corner of her eye, focused intently on the way that his face became more and more somber the closer they got to their destination. Today was going to be difficult for him, that much was a given. Sharon just wished she could see through the mask he was wearing and know what he was truly feeling. She hated the way he had closed himself off recently, but wasn't sure how to approach him about it. To be honest with herself, she missed the late-night phone calls they had so often shared when Andy had a craving. She missed how he would let his guard down and talk with her for hours about everything or nothing at all. She missed the way they used to be, before Nicole was taken from them. She missed the way things flowed so easily, the way that they worked together as a unit- before Andy was broken. She wished more than anything that she could make him whole again, and she was trying her absolute hardest. He was repairing himself, and Sharon was glad she could both watch and help him repair the damage that was done.

"How are you feeling?" She questions unsurely, watching as his face fell for a moment before he glanced at her and offered a weak smile.

"Hopeful." He states quietly, "I shouldn't have waited months to visit them. It was wrong of me to do that. I'm hopeful that they aren't mad at me, that at least Stephen understands that I needed time."

"I'm sure they'll understand." Sharon offers an encouraging smile as they pull into the driveway, "They were all feeling the same things as you."

"Hopefully they didn't handle it the same way." He scoffs with a roll of his eyes as both he and Sharon exit the car and walk up the steps to the front door.

~oOo~

Until today, Andy never truly realised the effects of grief. It was like an all-encompassing blanket, smothering anyone in its path. Andy sat in the dining room with Stephen, a framed photo of their family cradled in his hands. He could hear Sharon and the children giggling in the other room, and was once again surprised by the terrible, twisted way the world worked. He and Stephen were once again silently mourning the loss of their loved one, while Sharon and the boys played with their toys, just one room over. Happiness was so close, yet it felt so far away.

"How have the boys been holding up?" Andy finally breaks the silence, still focused on the photograph.

"Surprisingly well." Stephen sighs and runs a hand through his unruly hair, "I don't think they fully understand what happened. Just the other day Aaron asked me if she would come back in the spring." Andy closes his eyes sadly and lets out a sigh, "When I asked him what he meant he said that we planted her like a flower, and he wanted to know if she would grow back in the spring."

Andy looks to his son-in-law, a tear clinging to the corner of his eye, "Maybe it's best they don't understand." He states quietly, standing and taking the photograph back to its spot on the window sill, "No child should have to understand a loss like that at such a young age."

"I agree." He sighs and pushes himself up from his chair, "You know, they've been asking for you for ages. I'm glad you could stop by. And I'm glad Sharon came along as well, she's so great with the boys."

"Yeah, she is." Andy offers a small, proud smile as he follows Stephen into the living room.

~oOo~

"Here's the next piece." Sharon smiles and hands a small green Lego to Aaron, "I think we're gonna beat your brother and Grandpa." She smirks, looking to the other side of the room where Seth and Andy hurriedly tried to build a spaceship.

"My bet's on Grandpa." Stephen pipes up, watching the competition from the old leather couch, "He used to build with them all the time."

"And you've never met my children." Sharon responds playfully, "We built an _entire_ city in two hours. Even built it around their racetrack so they could drive through the city." She beams proudly, "I think Aaron and I are going to win. The zoo is pretty easy. We just have to build the animals."

"Yeah… well…" Andy shrugs as he hands Seth another piece, "Outer space is better than the zoo anyways, isn't it?"

"Yeah!" Both Aaron and Seth respond in unison.

"So, who's the _real_ winner here?" Andy asks with a quirk of his eyebrows, "Since they both like outer space better?"

"I think Sharon wins." Stephen interjects, "She and Aaron just put the last zebra in the zoo."

"Darn it!" Seth exclaims.

"Outer space is still better." Andy responds, a faux pout gracing his features.

"Do you know what's even better than outer space?" Stephen questions with a grin.

"What?" The boys ask excitedly, standing up and running towards their father, "Dad what?"

Sharon and Andy look to the young man, both adults curious as well, "Dinner." Stephen responds with an excited smile, "Sharon, Dad, do you want to stay?"

The two exchange a look before Andy nods in response, "Sure. We'd love to."

~oOo~

Sometimes he missed it, having a family at the dinner table; the commotion and laughter drowning out -even if only momentarily- his sorrow. He looks at Sharon and lets out a hearty laugh, completely amused by the barbeque sauce that stained her face as they all attempted to eat what could very possibly be 'Los Angeles' Messiest Ribs.'

Andy was enjoying himself. That was of the utmost importance to Sharon at the moment, seeing him perk back up after the past few arduous months. He was eating ribs, even though he was a devout vegetarian. Sharon decided not to mention it; he deserved a break after everything he'd been through. All of the adults at the table let out a hearty laugh when they watch Seth, his hands completely covered in barbeque sauce, try and pick up his fork, only to have it slide out of his small hands. Sharon laughs and heads to the kitchen, wetting a paper towel and wiping his hands.

"Better?" She asks with a smile and Seth nods.

"Thanks Grandma." He responds with a happy smile, Sharon, Andy, and Stephen all involuntarily tensing at the name she had just been called. Sharon glances at Andy worriedly and he just shrugs.

"You're welcome honey." She presses a kiss to the boy's hair before returning to her seat, looking to Andy for some kind of queue. He just shrugs again, a small smile playing on the corners of his mouth.

~oOo~

The evening had passed quickly, and soon Sharon and Andy were heading back to the condo. Sharon could tell how much happier Andy seemed now, the boys having done a great job at cheering him up. She was glad that, even if it was only temporary, Andy had a smile on his face. It made her feel like things were finally starting to get back to normal, and she was grateful for that.

Andy parks the car and comes to open Sharon's door; she hated that he did it, but had learned not to protest. He then locked the car and his hand found its place on the small of her back as they headed for the elevator.

Sharon let out a deep breath as they entered the condo, dreading the conversation she was about to start. She was very comfortable around Andy now, but there were still some things they hadn't talked about, lines in their relationship that were still so unclear.

"Are you okay?" Andy questions, his eyes searching hers worriedly.

"Yeah." Sharon dismisses him with a nod of her head, "But we need to talk." Andy sighs and runs a hand through his hair, his gaze falling to the floor as his anxiety became visible in his body language, "It's nothing bad." Sharon cuts in as she tries to calm him, "Come out to the balcony with me?" She asks and lightly takes his hand in hers, leading him towards the glass doors.

Andy sits down hesitantly, his eyes drawn to the pink sky setting behind the mountains, "What is it?" He sounds hurt, but Sharon hopes that she's wrong.

"What are we doing?" She asks, her gaze drawn to the same point on the horizon as his. At this point they were more or less friends with benefits, and Sharon wouldn't've minded, had she not felt so strongly for the man beside her.

"What do you mean?" Andy questions, unsure of what she meant. He wanted to respond "sitting on the balcony" but thought better of it, watching as Sharon thought for a moment.

"Us, what are we doing?" There's an expression on her face that he can't quite place, her hands resting in her lap, "You've been practically living at my house for months now, we're sharing the same bed, but we've never officially called it anything. So what are we doing? Are we still just friends? Friends with benefits? Lovers?" She keeps babbling but Andy tunes her out, his thoughts wandering for a moment.

"Let's get married." He says and when he hears Sharon's breath catch in her throat he immediately regrets the idea, "Sorry. I shouldn't've said anything." He shakes his head in embarrassment, pushing himself out of his chair and reaching for the door handle, "I think I should head home."

Sharon wants to stop him, but she isn't sure how. She could feel her heart beating a little faster in her chest, and her whole world felt as if it were spinning. She doesn't say anything but watches sadly as he picks up his jacket and walks out the door.

~oOo~

Sharon frowned. Sitting on the couch with a mug of tea in her hands, she lets out a deep sigh and leans her head back. Out of all the ways she had anticipated the conversation to go, _that_ was not one of them. _What was she supposed to say to something like that?_ She had sworn that she wouldn't open herself up to Andy while he was drinking, and she had failed. She had sworn that she wouldn't let another alcoholic into her life, and she had failed. She had sworn so many things, and none of it seemed to matter now. She had debated calling Andy for a while now, her phone resting on her thigh.

 _So many things could go wrong in a matter of seconds, and it scared her._ He had been sober for months now, but he could still so very easily relapse. Sharon wanted to call and check that he was okay, but then she would have to answer his question; she wasn't ready for that yet. Finally mustering up enough courage to dial her phone, Sharon places the phone against her ear and waits for him to pick up.

"Are you okay?" She questions before he can even greet her.

"Yeah." Andy lets out an awkward chuckle, "You didn't have to check on me."

"I felt like I should." She responds as she sips her tea, "I… didn't want you to leave." She admits hesitantly, "But I didn't know what to say."

"So… do you know now?" He asks carefully, trying not to upset her again.

"I think so." She breathes out before continuing, "And I don't think it's a good idea, not now anyway." She shakes her head apologetically.

"No, I get it." Andy responds, his voice strong to Sharon's surprise, "Would you be my girlfriend then?" He asks with hesitation, a smile breaking across Sharon's face when she recalled her conversation with Andy about how juvenile that title was.

"I'd like that very much." She grins to herself, glad that she and Andy may have finally found some common ground.


End file.
